tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54755672020048453222024-03-13T23:44:12.013-04:00Blinded by SpeedSpeedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.comBlogger172125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-29339015420689307962020-05-01T23:54:00.000-04:002020-05-01T23:55:00.641-04:00Episode N: la décennie1 May 2010-1 May 2020. It was odder than I imagined. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC3fuuQJ72A" target="_blank">May</a> you find some joy in it. <br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nV2_jaY_YiI/XqztzWzG85I/AAAAAAAAAtA/51CTfjbBwBEsGZacVmZ7WpsXtZkAuOEVACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/final.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="900" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nV2_jaY_YiI/XqztzWzG85I/AAAAAAAAAtA/51CTfjbBwBEsGZacVmZ7WpsXtZkAuOEVACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/final.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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XoXo<br />
SG<br />
<br />Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-12517884837416075632019-11-12T01:21:00.002-05:002019-11-12T18:40:25.005-05:00Episode 161: Muchachos & Mustachios (2019 Edition)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hey <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/how-do-you-do-fellow-kids" target="_blank">fellow kids</a>, it is I, Speedgoggles, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_of_Christmas_Past" target="_blank">Ghost of Afterparty Past</a>, in all of my <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-irony" target="_blank">post-ironic</a> glory. Whether I might be considered a cautionary tale, an institution beyond reproach, or something in between remains to be assessed, but rest assured my answers to “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_5yNLsZ5Pk" target="_blank">What the hell are you doing here?</a>” became increasingly cryptic-sinister as the night grew long.<br />
Despite my most sincere efforts, I've yet to be murdered, arrested, or <a href="https://www.trackie.com/track-and-field/Forum/muchachos-mustachios-2018/17086/" target="_blank">cancelled</a> in pursuits of journalistic excellent (yet). A physical and philosophical nomad in some bizarre eligibility purgatory (<a href="https://usportsthexc.substack.com/p/solutions-to-an-age-old-problem" target="_blank">how old is too old?</a>), I am destined to return for at least one more year with unfinished business. Despite a lengthy and continued séjour in la belle province™, I've still not yet grasped what exactly a "carabin" is. Does this perhaps point to some greater identity confusion - a quasi-fictional being who is fundamentally a thing that it does not itself understand?<br />
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Probably, but who cares.You, dear reader certainly do not. You're here to see if I bothered to objectify you or your friends, not the existential crises which are central to this appraisal. So <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Letterkenny/comments/4n0a5z/what_does_pitter_patter_mean_exactly/" target="_blank">pitter patter, let's get at 'er</a>. <br />
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Spectator of the Year</span></h2>
Speaking of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXrFBsYKrgE" target="_blank">ghosts</a> from the past, our 2019 Spectator of the Year is no stranger to this award. He's gone to great lengths (of hair and in air travel), and great sacrifices (face paint permeating skin and orifices, probable frostbite to sensitive appendages) to wave the tricolour every damn year in recent memory except for Victoria 2017 (understandably).<br />
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And yet, time is a circle, and sometimes you end up back in the place you started many years ago: sitting on a fratty couch in the midst of what undoubtedly constitutes several major fire code violations. Except in 2019 your living room belongs to a new crop of harriers.<br />
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Congrats to Jeff Mountjoy, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVM8_jAL86w" target="_blank">long may he (and the Aberdeen) run</a>. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hbYLw-WKzeQ/XcoIbrSrMYI/AAAAAAAAApo/-843SgP3WMM2Kk4VcgWsbKjiTXMeSxQqwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/jm%2B_%2Bkevin%2Bmackinnon%2Bcanadian%2Brunning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1000" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hbYLw-WKzeQ/XcoIbrSrMYI/AAAAAAAAApo/-843SgP3WMM2Kk4VcgWsbKjiTXMeSxQqwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/jm%2B_%2Bkevin%2Bmackinnon%2Bcanadian%2Brunning.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hydration" is a key performance determinant. (photo: Kevin Mackinnon/Canadian Running Magazine).</td></tr>
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<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Bowling for Soup Award</span></h2>
I received no less than three independent, heartfelt apologies/pleas from the men of UofT in regard to their <a href="http://speedgoggles.blogspot.com/2018/11/episode-160-muchachos-mustachios-2018.html" target="_blank">Fashion Crimes of 2018</a>. But as the excellently-coiffed yet <a href="http://citiusmag.com/game-of-thrones-characters-run-a-marathon/" target="_blank">mediocre XC talent Jon Snow</a> once so aptly put it, "It's not my place to forgive you for all of it. But what I can forgive, I do."<br />
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There was little in terms of lamentable aesthetics this year, and so I'm going to call upon someone who unlike UofT did not learn from their past mistakes. Last year, I offered up very valuable ex-emo kid hair dyeing tips to JS Desgagnés of Laval. I'm not entirely certain he followed it, though it did look a little better than last year's pink. And so the Queen is going Bowling for Soup, whatever that means.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S5YmWSX5HSk/XcpDRHt9GrI/AAAAAAAAAsI/zQhxQuBfWZ8XPKZC07czfQo3usEaDVa7wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/DSC05230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="545" data-original-width="214" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S5YmWSX5HSk/XcpDRHt9GrI/AAAAAAAAAsI/zQhxQuBfWZ8XPKZC07czfQo3usEaDVa7wCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/DSC05230.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bleach first! (photo: Kevin Mackinnon/Canadian Running Magazine)</td></tr>
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<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Rookie of the Year</span></h2>
This category has tested my research skills significantly in the past, making it practically a participation award (hate very much). For the first time in a while... perhaps dare I say it... since t<a href="http://speedgoggles.blogspot.com/2011/11/episode-151-muchachos-mustachios.html" target="_blank">he first M&M/Nickelback reference in 2011</a> the actual Rookie of the Year gets to win this award. Congrats to Marcel Scheele of Western for running fast with a furry face.<br />
<h2>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Lq6cgxjsYq4/Xcood0kOEuI/AAAAAAAAArQ/Y7ZPfSoLKiQ2rY9NJuPMztzHBEPsbULUgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2019-11-11%2Bat%2B10.34.57%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="365" data-original-width="518" height="450" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Lq6cgxjsYq4/Xcood0kOEuI/AAAAAAAAArQ/Y7ZPfSoLKiQ2rY9NJuPMztzHBEPsbULUgCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Screen%2BShot%2B2019-11-11%2Bat%2B10.34.57%2BPM.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3rXdeOvhNE" target="_blank">looking at this photograph?</a> (photo: Western Mustangs XC & TF)</td></tr>
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</h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Most Improved</span></h2>
It is said that some people improve with age like a fine wine, but I must admit that the concept's not really there for me given my status as an iconically washed up boxed wine enthusiast. Nevertheless, that's not stopping me from appraising the facial hair antithesis to the September Hero. <br />
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Speaking of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPr8ZqRHTQo" target="_blank">heroes</a>, I hear that one of my nominees is big fan of Nickelback references. If you ask me that seems pretty derivative, but I also heard that his biggest internet aspiration is to be immortalized on this here thing. That's a weird dream, and I couldn't be more about it. Congrats to Evan Ubene of McMaster, for the mathematical proof that <a href="https://www.trackie.com/track-and-field/Forum/not-trackie-usports-2019-people-who-are-going-to-win-stuf-8482/17645/6/" target="_blank">2 < 35</a>. Just don't end up like me, I'm a little worried at the example I've set for the youth (getting ready for parties in public bathrooms).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kKGdTFVvrsE/XcoaQIh2dTI/AAAAAAAAAqI/qx1Y398BRjkJRM3JVCmJU0WuRWfLDcUywCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/ubene%2Bmac%2Btrack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1079" data-original-width="1439" height="478" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kKGdTFVvrsE/XcoaQIh2dTI/AAAAAAAAAqI/qx1Y398BRjkJRM3JVCmJU0WuRWfLDcUywCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/ubene%2Bmac%2Btrack.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"and they say that a hero can save us." (photo: McMaster Marauders XC & Track)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Beardo Award</span></h2>
Beards man, it was the thing this year. Some of these were pretty good, but beards are too socially acceptable to really win big hardware with me. Get weird or go home.<br />
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Honourable mention goes to Nathan Dehghan of Queen's, for a meticulously maintained offering. Not quite scary enough for the W.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TKPC_XP0pR4/Xcof5e4AxuI/AAAAAAAAAqg/PipzHgA9B54xWJ1cfZuShxbfwKwLb9WmACEwYBhgL/s1600/dehghan%2B-%2Bmaxine%2Bgravina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="888" data-original-width="888" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TKPC_XP0pR4/Xcof5e4AxuI/AAAAAAAAAqg/PipzHgA9B54xWJ1cfZuShxbfwKwLb9WmACEwYBhgL/s640/dehghan%2B-%2Bmaxine%2Bgravina.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"'<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc" target="_blank">cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all</a>" ??? (photo: Maxine Gravina)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Guelph packed a 1-2 punch with Gavin Hughes (right) and Josh Kellier (left). These two boys were so in tune that they nearly ran the whole dang race together (sew cayuuuute). I'll toss the slight edge to Hughes, since I am <i>speedgoggles</i> after all. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZNmKAy-ETDg/XcobTAqJm7I/AAAAAAAAAqU/C2w8bVGr8fo7QqW6J9F_YnxPAKx6vzKSQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/75464272_1914575695355607_3609077249510211584_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="959" data-original-width="1440" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZNmKAy-ETDg/XcobTAqJm7I/AAAAAAAAAqU/C2w8bVGr8fo7QqW6J9F_YnxPAKx6vzKSQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/75464272_1914575695355607_3609077249510211584_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#StickingTogether is still a thing or nah? (photo: Guelph Gryphons Track & Field)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Flowtastic Award</span></h2>
I got a secret for y'all, and it is this: running with your hair down is much less disruptive than one might assume, and feels every bit as majestic as it looks. At least one man in the field was in on this secret, and his name was Hudson Grimshaw-Surrette of Dalhousie. My photo hunt also indicated that <a href="http://www.daltigers.ca/sports/xc/2018-19/bios/grimshaw-surrette_hudson_nd76?view=photos" target="_blank">he does a mean braid</a>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8Jo3TKvH6QY/Xco9ZyG2mnI/AAAAAAAAAr8/eoxXF-uX6M8xRrMyjbm16rr9cwaY9HYmwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2019-11-12%2Bat%2B12.02.47%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="582" data-original-width="490" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8Jo3TKvH6QY/Xco9ZyG2mnI/AAAAAAAAAr8/eoxXF-uX6M8xRrMyjbm16rr9cwaY9HYmwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Screen%2BShot%2B2019-11-12%2Bat%2B12.02.47%2BAM.png" width="538" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A man with many hair looks. (photo: Dalhousie Tigers XC)<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Community Service Award</span></h2>
As is probably quite obvious, a lot of the decisions I make are entirely predicated around doing weird shit purely as an experiment to find out what happens next. The winners of this award are my spiritual brethren - doing something whack with their appearance for teh lulz. Maybe it's about demonstrating respect for the sport (by rejecting conventionally attractive looks), maybe it's about solidarity with one's teammates, or maybe it's even about ending on here. <br />
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Either way, #LookGoodFeelGood.<br />
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This years winners are a duo from Windsor, sporting a fine pair of mullets. Business in the front, party in the back. Congrats to co-winners, Brendan Simone (left) and Josh Zilles (right).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GL4qtGTimM0/XcoZ2Bxs-rI/AAAAAAAAAqA/b1JMd0SUTkQn74pifJltT4QdJ7h-aQ7ZACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/windsor%2Bmg%2Bfb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1066" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GL4qtGTimM0/XcoZ2Bxs-rI/AAAAAAAAAqA/b1JMd0SUTkQn74pifJltT4QdJ7h-aQ7ZACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/windsor%2Bmg%2Bfb.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ru guys like models or something? (photo: Meg Gregoire)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Team Title</span></h2>
This one was a pretty close call for me. As in the reals, a closely contended race on the team front. I had to bust out the photographic evidence to be certain. I did a recount (jk I can't count). There was a tie-breaker. In my books, that's the quality of the 6/7 guy, however. And so, after many years atop the M&M podium, I must regretfully say that the Calgary Dinosaurs (fossils? too much?) were only good for 3rd. Pennock, Travaglini, and Daniel were good, but the rest of the team came up a little short. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tjzNazEvCNE/XcogfO3xA4I/AAAAAAAAAqs/i66vEqf9AVocpZ-VGgzEADMBRZmWii-xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/calgary%2Bteam%2B-%2Busports%2Bcanada.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="680" data-original-width="1040" height="418" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tjzNazEvCNE/XcogfO3xA4I/AAAAAAAAAqs/i66vEqf9AVocpZ-VGgzEADMBRZmWii-xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/calgary%2Bteam%2B-%2Busports%2Bcanada.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taio Cruz's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUjdiDeJ0xg" target="_blank">Dynamite</a> is an all-time great pop song tho. (photo: USports Canada)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In second place, we have Guelph. They were a little better than Calgary - Hughes, Delaney, Kellier, Patton, Ubene were a solid 5. They didn't win, but they should be proud of this achievement - especially Patton, who is now officially the 2nd <a href="https://kitchener.ctvnews.ca/opp-seek-clumsy-shoplifting-suspect-caught-on-video-1.3411069" target="_blank">most newsworthy person from the town of Fergus.</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C6XQFdhKRcM/XcogaVudLhI/AAAAAAAAAqo/Gdv73pT2Yk0vvzQRdLB-_iWUNldrqrcvwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/team%2Bphoto%2Bgryphon%2Btrack.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C6XQFdhKRcM/XcogaVudLhI/AAAAAAAAAqo/Gdv73pT2Yk0vvzQRdLB-_iWUNldrqrcvwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/team%2Bphoto%2Bgryphon%2Btrack.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Close, but no cigar (photo: USports Canada)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Up in the number one spot we have Windsor, bolstered primarily by a strong contingent of mullets (<3). Unlike the other teams, there was 100% buy-in on foolishness: Martin, Zilles, D'Alessandro, Simone, Cauchi, Rioux, Heykink, they all had it going on. And that folks, is how you win.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1lenbm32ndc/Xco3ky4wZGI/AAAAAAAAArw/twl31MnpjAgUvuWD3AEkQstwbZbkDW3IgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/72204407_1195346020801869_8012042254082375680_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1066" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1lenbm32ndc/Xco3ky4wZGI/AAAAAAAAArw/twl31MnpjAgUvuWD3AEkQstwbZbkDW3IgCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/72204407_1195346020801869_8012042254082375680_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYs2HHYqmxw" target="_blank">Put ur hands up 4 <strike>detroit</strike></a> (photo: Meg Gregoire)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
Individual Title</span></h2>
Now for the real deal awards. Unfortunately, the athlete I very much wanted to the third place award to (unknown Manitoba runner) was elusive enough to lack a confirmed mustache presence on any social media, university publication, the dark web, etc. and also avoided all race photos. Tragic. <br />
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In his stead, I present Royden Radowits of Alberta, whose mustache was pretty dece, but more importantly, photographically available. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYaeojMB0Jg/XcpDoMwhSSI/AAAAAAAAAsU/QqyZRGRkWEIxgkoLhpY1SmcJODMrVSYpgCEwYBhgL/s1600/DSC05230%2Bcopy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="495" data-original-width="222" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYaeojMB0Jg/XcpDoMwhSSI/AAAAAAAAAsU/QqyZRGRkWEIxgkoLhpY1SmcJODMrVSYpgCEwYBhgL/s640/DSC05230%2Bcopy.jpg" width="286" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Front of pack=photos=awards (photo: Kevin Mackinnon/Canadian Running Magazine)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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As alluded to earlier in this piece, there has been much hubris about the presence of over-aged athletes in the university ranks. Detractors claim that the more mature students usurp the glory that should rightfully belong to students following a more traditional scholastic path, and worry that recruiters may be incentivized to give all their roster spots to such students.<br />
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I for one, am a bit dismayed about the possibility of stacking teams with men old enough to have proper facial hair. I can't believe that no one has brought up this very grave concern. Imagine! But I am not concerned enough to slash Matt Travaglini of Calgary from the podium. Much too good. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3tvsf9hCPGQ/Xcol_DLsZTI/AAAAAAAAArA/bE1-XruLG18rehRXJvyAe1bWaGZDYhvBQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/trav%2Bmcmaster%2Bmarauders%2Bxc%2B%2526%2Btrack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="856" data-original-width="550" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3tvsf9hCPGQ/Xcol_DLsZTI/AAAAAAAAArA/bE1-XruLG18rehRXJvyAe1bWaGZDYhvBQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/trav%2Bmcmaster%2Bmarauders%2Bxc%2B%2526%2Btrack.jpg" width="410" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtM9xD-Ky7E" target="_blank">Way she goes boys.</a> (photo: McMaster Marauders XC & Track)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now this year's winner, he's a real dark horse. Never even heard of the guy, until I looked up his name in the results. But UNB's Isaac Cull delivered, becoming the university's first winner of any kind of M&M award. Regretfully, his beauty mustache/mun combo didn't photograph too well, but multiple witnesses can confirm that I did indeed swoon every time he passed my undisclosed cheering location. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_wCwPazbAsg/XcoqPIAJwTI/AAAAAAAAArk/RdxbKqNVupMt0dblSvRCXOgtOVFbG_RHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/isaaccull.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="432" data-original-width="288" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_wCwPazbAsg/XcoqPIAJwTI/AAAAAAAAArk/RdxbKqNVupMt0dblSvRCXOgtOVFbG_RHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/isaaccull.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">New Brunswick, an underrated province. (photo: UNB Varsity Reds)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Well folks, midnight has come and gone, and for better or worse it's time to crank this thing out. Grievances, praise, and Ig Nobel Prizes in journalism are accepted as always through improper channels.<br />
<br />
XoXo<br />
SGSpeedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-55943812077825584222018-11-13T11:47:00.000-05:002018-11-13T11:48:57.234-05:00Episode 160: Muchachos & Mustachios (2018 Edition)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Welcome one,
welcome all.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">There comes
a point in every semi-viral pseudo-celebrity’s life when the thought of
retiring in order to retain dignity must be considered. Luckily for you dear
reader, the concept of dignity, much like the concepts of self-preservation and
post-run core, are all very much beyond my emotional capabilities and/or
desires. And after having dumped all of my (variously eroded) earthly
possessions into the sea, trading the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuSbELCNloc" target="_blank">mountains</a> for the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1YK7QholE8" target="_blank">flatlands</a>, what
excuse have I to not further debase myself and the men of the <s>CIS</s> USports?</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Very little
indeed. Because as they say, time is a circle, and I’m back on that 2010 vintage<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozDDYcyrCNE" target="_blank">funemployment Amish country parents’ basement lifestyle</a></span></span> that begat this here moderately-read mockery of sports
journalism. Like Avril Lavigne’s timely <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKF6ghfcQic" target="_blank">album release</a>,
this may be construed simultaneously as a curse and a #blessing.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now, as
much as I am certain you people don’t care about my personal life (lawd knows I
hardly do), I think we’ll be getting down my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">blustering</i> about what went down atop ol’ Fort Henry (a few poorly
secured port-a-potties, but possibly some other shit). So, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liuj1WjgqCo" target="_blank">get in, get ready</a>, and hold on to your hats.</span></span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Spectator of the Year</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />Some might say that this day was not a great one for split seams, but I think that’s a matter of perspective, if you catch my drift. On this note, I’ll betray a little secret: our Spectator of the Year winner was in fact wearing split seams for modesty (a world first?) under his <strike>tough man skirt</strike> kilt. I don’t think that’s allowed, but who’d be bold enough to give Jeff Mountjoy the L on his home course, showing so much skin in such weathers? Not me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Apparently no one snapped any pics of this, so I'll do some recycling.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uomUREUz4pU/UoIvAgAmQ-I/AAAAAAAAAZk/Cb93rsO3DT0_nCeq8C0WtMOEW9Lj-Q6gwCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="494" data-original-width="760" height="416" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uomUREUz4pU/UoIvAgAmQ-I/AAAAAAAAAZk/Cb93rsO3DT0_nCeq8C0WtMOEW9Lj-Q6gwCPcBGAYYCw/s640/1.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">4-time winner, pictured in 2013</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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</span></div>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Bowling for Soup Award</span></span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"> </span>
<br />
<br />
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">I’m gonna
do something a bit unprecedented for this award – because well, it’s my dumb
blog and I set the precedent. Usually this thing’s about some dudes who tried
to grow a mustache with iffy results, wherein I call them out. I saw something
far more egregious this year – the entire UofT team (less one guy) donning
shorts over tights. Science says that male birth control is still in the works,
but I say it’s already been invented.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Boys with bad facial hair can rest easy for at
least another year.</span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gPX_1gcFbdk/W-oFzebRmFI/AAAAAAAAAlI/jYLOP5OkxYIt4CKU08FDGCkCiygCw3IaQCLcBGAs/s1600/shortovertights.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="904" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gPX_1gcFbdk/W-oFzebRmFI/AAAAAAAAAlI/jYLOP5OkxYIt4CKU08FDGCkCiygCw3IaQCLcBGAs/s640/shortovertights.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's cross-<i>country</i>, not cross<i>fit</i> (photos: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">
</span></h2>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">
</span></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Now, I'm
sure some nerd will point out that this was probably done in order to comply
with league uniform regulations. That may be so, but a certain team on the
podium seemed to get away with most of its team in black shorts... and then <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VedZwEYw7cI" target="_blank">a little bit of red</a>. But I say that we overlook this small matter in the interest
of avoiding the fate of the poor men of UofT.</span></div>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA"><style>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Rookie of the Year</span><span lang="EN-CA"> </span></span></b><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA">Finally, I
was able to locate more than 1 rookie with a mustache in less than 10’ of creeping.
Statistics might inform the assumption that this is a coincidence, but I like
to keep my delusions grandiose, and take this as irrefutable evidence of my
cultural influence. I mean, like, enough of the nonsense I commit to digital
ink comes into fruition so why not? </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-size: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA">Predictive narration aside, this year's Rookie of the Year is Félix Lapointe-Pilote. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-13UaZYNw1FU/W-ryWmImW4I/AAAAAAAAAnY/_vKB_xwiHjEJDOAPFpbm8_WSn1m-zpRjwCLcBGAs/s1600/44993541_2057349974316904_5053104649528147968_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="568" data-original-width="302" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-13UaZYNw1FU/W-ryWmImW4I/AAAAAAAAAnY/_vKB_xwiHjEJDOAPFpbm8_WSn1m-zpRjwCLcBGAs/s640/44993541_2057349974316904_5053104649528147968_o.jpg" width="340" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(photo: P. Morin for Cross-Country et Athlétisme)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Most Improved</span></span></b><br />
<br />
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Were these
dudes alive and relevant last year? Who knows, and I guess not, which are the
essential criteria for this award.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the honourable mentions position, we have
Mostafa Elkurdy of Guelph. Idk if he had a mustache last year because I pay
little attention to alternates. But this year he moved on up to main line,
and it was enough to turn my head.</span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RXU0eRJyayY/W-r3dsZPL3I/AAAAAAAAAnw/0mWAzOOZLZQzyQOyiSOkpO5VeOcQIH5WACLcBGAs/s1600/46024624_10156472635093880_5564655612626731008_o%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="620" data-original-width="185" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RXU0eRJyayY/W-r3dsZPL3I/AAAAAAAAAnw/0mWAzOOZLZQzyQOyiSOkpO5VeOcQIH5WACLcBGAs/s640/46024624_10156472635093880_5564655612626731008_o%25281%2529.jpg" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Decent-ier (photos: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">The winner
of the Most Improved award is Sergio Ráez Villanueva of McMaster. Lulzy toque,
but otherwise excellent execution.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2LX8QNt3II4/W-rxa7TZRfI/AAAAAAAAAnQ/dE8-UKsgPtwbV_Dl3zt8Qcg1m9OGBXqtwCLcBGAs/s1600/46124019_10156472621823880_8019682524160589824_o%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="358" data-original-width="294" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2LX8QNt3II4/W-rxa7TZRfI/AAAAAAAAAnQ/dE8-UKsgPtwbV_Dl3zt8Qcg1m9OGBXqtwCLcBGAs/s640/46124019_10156472621823880_8019682524160589824_o%25281%2529.jpg" width="524" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">hurtin' for photos this year (photos: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Beardo Award</span></span></b><br />
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Not a lot to go on in this category, it seems. Nevertheless, I award Keven Bédard of Laval the Beardo Award. Because sometimes winning is simply showing up. Honourable mentions to Caleb de Jong of Trinity Western.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9c0YEEMJc5g/W-pXQQeBTrI/AAAAAAAAAnE/PEjBP90wUrIH4LkLIx2LD5fvtzvVHdNoACLcBGAs/s1600/45990995_10156472620958880_5680110999332454400_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1073" data-original-width="346" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9c0YEEMJc5g/W-pXQQeBTrI/AAAAAAAAAnE/PEjBP90wUrIH4LkLIx2LD5fvtzvVHdNoACLcBGAs/s640/45990995_10156472620958880_5680110999332454400_o.jpg" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2fast4photo? (photos: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EVSrDcWGxTU/W-rz3oEiQaI/AAAAAAAAAnk/Mh-VsKRXK98hIkDTqe3IJTIt_b9pMaHXQCLcBGAs/s1600/46106967_10156472621698880_262433810434490368_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="228" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EVSrDcWGxTU/W-rz3oEiQaI/AAAAAAAAAnk/Mh-VsKRXK98hIkDTqe3IJTIt_b9pMaHXQCLcBGAs/s640/46106967_10156472621698880_262433810434490368_o.jpg" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eee (photos: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Flowtastic Award</span><span lang="EN-CA"> </span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA"> </span></span></b>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">While I’ll
admit I was a little disappointed that no one went #longhairdontcare after
nature so kindly provided the bounty of a wind machine, I was at least consoled
by the mun yield (my second favourite hairstyle option, if anyone’s looking to
impress). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Speaking of
<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqFLXayD6e8" target="_blank">impressin’ me much</a></span>, a good tip for getting your
name in this thing (prospective employers googling your name will be amused, I’m
sure) is to ply me with compliments, liquor, transportation services, and
housing. Ben Weir of UVic, the runner-up in this category spoke to me once, and
told me that he found my work to be at least somewhat amusing on at least one
occasion. I didn’t really talk to a lot of other real humans in the year 2018,
so this feedback was particularly impactful. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CFj-0dP4fkQ/W-r4lFMFlCI/AAAAAAAAAn4/Zy6sfToSguMD213Gt8jrXvLtq6xitU-4ACLcBGAs/s1600/image_handler.aspx.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="635" data-original-width="255" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CFj-0dP4fkQ/W-r4lFMFlCI/AAAAAAAAAn4/Zy6sfToSguMD213Gt8jrXvLtq6xitU-4ACLcBGAs/s640/image_handler.aspx.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mun not visible, but it was pretty ok. (photo: Ian MacAlpine)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">In the
winning position, we have a repeat: Ryan Greico of Calgary. Tee-bee-ehsshh I
don’t even think I’d be capable of constructing a better bun myself, let alone
one that was structurally stable enough for 10km of bouncing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MjJzLNHZKAk/W-oHl9GTZ9I/AAAAAAAAAlU/HPod0dtqEXwfp236FCgvND4pG8xwjimowCLcBGAs/s1600/46172562_10156472619773880_1666268842071949312_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1099" data-original-width="493" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MjJzLNHZKAk/W-oHl9GTZ9I/AAAAAAAAAlU/HPod0dtqEXwfp236FCgvND4pG8xwjimowCLcBGAs/s640/46172562_10156472619773880_1666268842071949312_o.jpg" width="286" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What's the secret? Bobby pins? Hairspray? Pls advise (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span lang="EN-CA">Community Service Award</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Simply put, this award is about personal <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhpezwGtDEg" target="_blank">courage</a> (fact: this song played on the radio as I crossed Tragically Hip Way). It takes some guts to make yourself look silly while doing a thing that arguably, already looks pretty silly to most outside of yours truly. There were two solid examples in the field that emulated the values of this award.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">In the runner-up position we have Jean-Simon "Queen" Desgagné of Laval. I think he was trying to do some sort of red ombré stripe thing, but it turned out pink (pro-tip: bleach first, red is not a colourfast dye... er not that I would know anything about dyeing my hair odd colours). He could have tried to fix it, but he just rolled with it and I respect that. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zWexYu0hpBs/W-pQnMyd1nI/AAAAAAAAAm4/u1Jr5RKjJgMe5cpT5J0wQP3z69e7VsdRACLcBGAs/s1600/46124019_10156472621823880_8019682524160589824_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="799" data-original-width="244" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zWexYu0hpBs/W-pQnMyd1nI/AAAAAAAAAm4/u1Jr5RKjJgMe5cpT5J0wQP3z69e7VsdRACLcBGAs/s640/46124019_10156472621823880_8019682524160589824_o.jpg" width="194" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yass queen? (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada) </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Now, if you know one thing about me, it's that I love mullets. Wish I had one, actually. Maybe I'll get one in the process of achieving my other dream (appearing as an extra on the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfq3c4Cf1Fs" target="_blank">Trailer Park Boys</a>). Until then, Tyler Kiyonaga of Calgary will live my mullet dream, and win the Community Service Award for his contributions to the people. </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WBnkV-_oZuQ/W-pHVG6xdkI/AAAAAAAAAmU/JQKhEWO6R-A8E90_IsEe-o3UXqHFrxwSwCLcBGAs/s1600/46172562_10156472619773880_1666268842071949312_o%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="356" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WBnkV-_oZuQ/W-pHVG6xdkI/AAAAAAAAAmU/JQKhEWO6R-A8E90_IsEe-o3UXqHFrxwSwCLcBGAs/s640/46172562_10156472619773880_1666268842071949312_o%25281%2529.jpg" width="372" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giving back to the community, the right way. (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span lang="EN-CA">Team Title</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Did you know that in the last three editions (2017, 2015, 2014) the winner of the M&M Team Title has gone on to win the real deal in the following year in a fairly unprecedented fashion? I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain that makes me some kind of prophet. You best <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR7Ev14vUh8" target="_blank">pray</a> that I wield the power of my pen upon my prey responsibly this time around.</span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One might guess that based on the individual awards thus far, plus <a href="https://www.trackie.com/track-and-field/Forum/muchachos-mustachios-2017/16181/" target="_blank">the good ol' fashioned west coast (?) bias I've allegedly developed</a>, that Calgary is probably in the running. This would be correct. Muns, mullets, mustaches, plus some quality running (don't worry, I've not forgotten what my handle means). Unfortunately, it was not quite enough for the W with me - 4/7 is not a fraction I can work with. Find yourself a fifth, and we can talk. Third place for Calgary.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-21weGDKg-Bc/W-oksfjlW_I/AAAAAAAAAlk/77bMm3L67Nwks72oE5EUW-P3FtKZ-l3UACLcBGAs/s1600/46110752_10156472635448880_2188985178246873088_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-21weGDKg-Bc/W-oksfjlW_I/AAAAAAAAAlk/77bMm3L67Nwks72oE5EUW-P3FtKZ-l3UACLcBGAs/s640/46110752_10156472635448880_2188985178246873088_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E7_8FWqY9o" target="_blank">It's too bad, it's too bad</a> (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Led by some solid results up front my Connor '<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT4d1LQy4es" target="_blank">Black Velvet</a>,' Most Improved Elkurdy and rounded out by some other variously furry chaps, Guelph sneaks in for the silver. As on the course, as on the blog. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nGyLgY7Dclo/W-olxMTlqUI/AAAAAAAAAl0/mbO8aH8wIk01Jq5ijCvTC4NXd7UJfIYlACLcBGAs/s1600/46024624_10156472635093880_5564655612626731008_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nGyLgY7Dclo/W-olxMTlqUI/AAAAAAAAAl0/mbO8aH8wIk01Jq5ijCvTC4NXd7UJfIYlACLcBGAs/s640/46024624_10156472635093880_5564655612626731008_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OKHwnkaU5Y" target="_blank">Like boots or hearts, oh when they start</a> (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's been a while since this team last impressed me, but <strike>the</strike> les boys are back! One part hair dye gimmickry, some long locks, some beards, some 'staches and one very on point banquet ensemble. Laval FTW, and should my power hold, the 2019 title. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H3jMpcXoAdQ/W-okhPYroKI/AAAAAAAAAlg/fXX4ZODFVC0JtRQvBznzrXdgQn9iSqCmwCLcBGAs/s1600/46082801_10156472595433880_7552247824449011712_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H3jMpcXoAdQ/W-okhPYroKI/AAAAAAAAAlg/fXX4ZODFVC0JtRQvBznzrXdgQn9iSqCmwCLcBGAs/s640/46082801_10156472595433880_7552247824449011712_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Fresh (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span lang="EN-CA">Individual Title</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">After finding out last year that I have a substantial fanbase in Winnipeg, I have been greatly incentivized to consider their mustache offerings more seriously. I don't know much about Connor Boyd of Manitoba, but he did have a pretty ok mustache, and that gets him third. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dFN-5iWwAog/W-pIqU7Ip7I/AAAAAAAAAmg/k00iqiTCqQUyb9HAf6ywhF1JgMZ-6f47QCLcBGAs/s1600/46013256_10156472619968880_4919024974661943296_o%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1172" data-original-width="591" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dFN-5iWwAog/W-pIqU7Ip7I/AAAAAAAAAmg/k00iqiTCqQUyb9HAf6ywhF1JgMZ-6f47QCLcBGAs/s640/46013256_10156472619968880_4919024974661943296_o%25281%2529.jpg" width="322" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkRJMnzVkdY" target="_blank">Takin' care of business</a> (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Up in the 2
and 3 spots, we have two good ol' 'berta boys. Since commencing M&M,
I've been peculiarly wedded to the melodies and facial hair of the province's
greatest export (Chad Kroeger). Love it or hate it, I can't get over it.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ntQHvolau4c/W-oqO9WHiEI/AAAAAAAAAmI/viX7lbHB8fA-Exur-vXf4qaE6LjWQVqzQCLcBGAs/s1600/DQ3_8ISWAAE097h.jpg%2Blarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ntQHvolau4c/W-oqO9WHiEI/AAAAAAAAAmI/viX7lbHB8fA-Exur-vXf4qaE6LjWQVqzQCLcBGAs/s640/DQ3_8ISWAAE097h.jpg%2Blarge.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my most profane Alberta fantasy (photo: <a href="https://twitter.com/MackLamoureux" target="_blank">@MackLamoureux</a>)</td></tr>
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the runner-up position we have Stefan Daniel of Calgary for his frosty 'stache.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">what an adorbs expression <span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">(photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the winning position, we have teammate
Russell Pennock of Calgary, moving up from last year's Most Improved. I warned
last year that he should lose the hat if he wanted to be in line for the big
prize, but there was simply no competing with this offering.</span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">still hate hats, tho (photo: Ian MacAlpine for USports Canada)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Once again,
we’ve come to the end for another year. As always, wider media interest and/or Nobel Prize in Male Reproductive Health notifications may be
forwarded to whichever contact info you’re competent enough to dredge up. In
the mean time, I’ll be fading <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ9nQNx0KEs" target="_blank">into the night</a> to devote
my time to uncovering what exactly a “carabin” is, with results to be released
on a need-to-know basis. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">XoXo,</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-CA" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">SG</span></span></div>
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Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-7731946626186850152017-11-14T23:00:00.000-05:002017-11-15T23:59:25.943-05:00Episode 159: Muchachos & Mustachios (2017 Edition)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miss me?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course you did. Well friends(?) – it’s back! After a
lengthy hiatus, largely spent in some <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">precipitous</i>
corner of the Pacific Northwest, your not-so-humble forum <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_RSJ6xuHbE" target="_blank">poet laureate</a> slash
journalist has returned to the fray. Whether it was the #socialmediainfluence or
the aching desire to fulfill my ultimate destiny as the token quasi-tragic CIS
alumnus, by some fate I was dredged to stand upon the shore for the 2017
edition of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Muchachos & Mustachios</i>.
And though I stand <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAOnUF8t20w" target="_blank">rusted,</a> my purple wig caked in 10 eternities of salt
(organic, sea-derived), I have resolved to bring the people what they want: ambiguously-motivated objectification of men's hair with a side of spurious <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_content" target="_blank">CanCon</a> references.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, for the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">slim</i> minority
who click on this tome for the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">prose</i>
(luvs ya), I think we should do a brief history, for all the kids out there. Assuming
you don’t care enough to go back and read the old editions, or your web
browsing skills prevent you from figuring out the sidebar, I have created a
visual summary of all previous editions, beginning with 2011. Some might say I’ve
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">covered a lot of ground</i> over the
years (one must #earntheparty, after all).</div>
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<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rXuGIE2mhYw/Wguzr0HY6bI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/Swj3GC4G6m4uR8tqlBz06Rexxw03ASfLwCLcBGAs/s1600/historicalreview.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rXuGIE2mhYw/Wguzr0HY6bI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/Swj3GC4G6m4uR8tqlBz06Rexxw03ASfLwCLcBGAs/s640/historicalreview.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">all a blur, really</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br /></div>
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But enough of this sad nostalgia. Let the preamble <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">taper</i> off and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">floodgates </i>open. </div>
<h1>
Spectator of the Year</h1>
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The thing with having a national championship on an island
is that you find out who the #truefans are. Travel expense aside, there’s always
the chance that Poseidon invites you to become the human embodiment of trash
and/or living poetic justice for <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/3857879/strong-winds-on-b-c-south-coast-lead-to-ferry-cancellations-power-outages" target="_blank">a few hours on the ferry terminal floor.</a></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
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Anyways, I could choose to reward the efforts of the various
Vikes homecrowd fans with their swords and fake red hairs, but like… nah,
because I am fickle. I’m giving this one to the guy who was smashing dollar
store metal mixing bowls. Efficient and cost-effective in a land of excess. </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C6PS4YCkacw/WgtzYAaiYgI/AAAAAAAAAhk/1DDpOb0Th4E2pp5JITCnCKk471nyZaTHQCLcBGAs/s1600/23467384_1631632046888701_7326897737632393866_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1172" data-original-width="1492" height="313" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C6PS4YCkacw/WgtzYAaiYgI/AAAAAAAAAhk/1DDpOb0Th4E2pp5JITCnCKk471nyZaTHQCLcBGAs/s400/23467384_1631632046888701_7326897737632393866_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meh emoji, #mood. (photo: Cross-Country et athlétisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Bowling for Soup Award</h1>
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I had to bust out the old FB creep method to make sure that
these fellows had anything going on, which is a sure sign that this award is
well-deserved. But all is not lost – there is at least some solace in bravery. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Congrats-(ish) to Graeme Wach of Dalhousie and
Santiago Bessai of McGill for er… trying (I suppose). </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6lyP-Bx6W0s/Wgt0jCUsswI/AAAAAAAAAh0/0HOHVzRcT7IyWnKfAVeQfXaj3JFw46TJwCEwYBhgL/s1600/23511507_1631584380226801_3274859256289480934_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6lyP-Bx6W0s/Wgt0jCUsswI/AAAAAAAAAh0/0HOHVzRcT7IyWnKfAVeQfXaj3JFw46TJwCEwYBhgL/s400/23511507_1631584380226801_3274859256289480934_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hmm. (photo: Cross-Country et athlétisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UqHRXNvuQoc/Wgt0Hor8bDI/AAAAAAAAAh0/PzGAGmykGgMOjI7rbcm4S7bdWqBrwrLOACEwYBhgL/s1600/23467356_1631584306893475_1376773109439750238_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UqHRXNvuQoc/Wgt0Hor8bDI/AAAAAAAAAh0/PzGAGmykGgMOjI7rbcm4S7bdWqBrwrLOACEwYBhgL/s400/23467356_1631584306893475_1376773109439750238_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe? (photo: Cross-Country et athlétisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<h1>
Rookie of the Year</h1>
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Once again, I had to do some digging for this award. Captains,
what doing? Anyways, after a laborious research stint, I finally found a rook
with something to work with. Congrats to Arthur Deloignon of the Universite de
Montreal (<a href="https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carabin" target="_blank">what is a carabin?</a>). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xt3Azx5_HLM/Wgt2yXv0QBI/AAAAAAAAAiM/I5S0Hi2SXMMfAHB8mftJzrTT66iSPrkxwCLcBGAs/s1600/Arthur-Deloignon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="400" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xt3Azx5_HLM/Wgt2yXv0QBI/AAAAAAAAAiM/I5S0Hi2SXMMfAHB8mftJzrTT66iSPrkxwCLcBGAs/s400/Arthur-Deloignon.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo-shy in Vic (photo: Carabins Cross-Country)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Most Improved</h1>
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Can someone who suddenly opts to sport a Chad Kroeger goatee
and a backwards cap be considered an improved man? Perhaps not to most (outside
of Alberta), but in the forsaken realm of my mind it is so. I have no idea what
Russell Pennock of Calgary was doing with his life before this (heard it was the shampoo/blow-dry/run), but in the realm
of the mustache blog, he was worthless until this year. Congrats on the most
improved award. Lose the hat next year and you’ll be sniffing at the more
important podium. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aWv5R2V23Mg/Wgt1CVApY2I/AAAAAAAAAh4/O9VW_bujr508-WmTaOD1HyP08yx4mn8tgCLcBGAs/s1600/23592287_1631576266894279_5529439099066023228_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aWv5R2V23Mg/Wgt1CVApY2I/AAAAAAAAAh4/O9VW_bujr508-WmTaOD1HyP08yx4mn8tgCLcBGAs/s400/23592287_1631576266894279_5529439099066023228_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GSWc3S3FY0" target="_blank">Feeling way too damn good</a>(?) (photo: Cross-Country et athlétisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The runner-up award in this category goes to a previous
winner of the Bowling for Soup Award, proving that is possible to go from “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMzCAmPVzhQ" target="_blank">Someday,somehow</a>” to “just like a paperback novel, let’s rewrite an ending that fits.” Congrats
to actual runner-up Connor Black of Guelph for upping his game without having
to resort to <i>grey zone </i>performance enhancing methods (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_for_Men" target="_blank">JFM</a>). </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wy_p-eLB9wU/Wgt2FnxItzI/AAAAAAAAAiE/LKIfUbC9C8IwgtfvSlCLJTzT0HX1UTLIwCLcBGAs/s1600/23509180_1631583656893540_8869446651444309447_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wy_p-eLB9wU/Wgt2FnxItzI/AAAAAAAAAiE/LKIfUbC9C8IwgtfvSlCLJTzT0HX1UTLIwCLcBGAs/s400/23509180_1631583656893540_8869446651444309447_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddXCN5epiuo" target="_blank">Silver side up</a> (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Beardo Award</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This year’s winner would surely have won this award last
year had I not been busy being <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dark
speedgoggles</i> or whatever. Offensive and alarming, Jeff Tweedle of McMaster
wins the Beardo Award.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--KFxmXFanro/WgueZ6mlOgI/AAAAAAAAAj4/E-TFS-Qm_I0muFYUQZmM7i0S7Fq3KaT8wCEwYBhgL/s1600/22829571_1266024803544036_8802455208485711391_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="425" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--KFxmXFanro/WgueZ6mlOgI/AAAAAAAAAj4/E-TFS-Qm_I0muFYUQZmM7i0S7Fq3KaT8wCEwYBhgL/s640/22829571_1266024803544036_8802455208485711391_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am afraid of birds tbh. (photo: Guelph Gryphons Track & Field)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
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While the runner up’s team had a number of quality beard
showings, something about the great look of anguish-despair in all of his race
photos caught my eye. Congrats to Nic Morin of Laval and his bandana in the
runner-up position. </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qo9sE9WSVVI/Wgt3kdwx5FI/AAAAAAAAAiY/lAOUHKLhluA449ytZisoXLu6tx0xyev3QCLcBGAs/s1600/23509391_1631581466893759_7942733047999073066_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qo9sE9WSVVI/Wgt3kdwx5FI/AAAAAAAAAiY/lAOUHKLhluA449ytZisoXLu6tx0xyev3QCLcBGAs/s400/23509391_1631581466893759_7942733047999073066_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">can taste finish line? (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Flowtastic Award</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were many good variations of long-ish locks in this
year’s race, but the name says “flowtastic,” and so the winner will always be
someone brave enough to go #longhairdontcare in the race. This year’s winner is
Jonathan Favero of McMaster for going full untamed merman in the rain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dH-OZ-FdoxU/WgueDOiwXzI/AAAAAAAAAjw/jg6j49gmZqwa3g_zqPO9LZxEcs9EwQqXQCEwYBhgL/s1600/23509436_1631581956893710_1568517083593766557_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="995" data-original-width="1492" height="426" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dH-OZ-FdoxU/WgueDOiwXzI/AAAAAAAAAjw/jg6j49gmZqwa3g_zqPO9LZxEcs9EwQqXQCEwYBhgL/s640/23509436_1631581956893710_1568517083593766557_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Favero leads the way. (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As much as I enjoy the liberation of setting one’s hair to
the wind, I always have an eye for a well-constructed bun. Runner-up in this
category goes to Ryan Greico of Calgary for keeping that ish on the up for 10km. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ua-pdn3R5Wk/Wgt8ahSahPI/AAAAAAAAAi8/eQ_J2TJETVIizLQHVcAZOBCatgAmf8AnwCEwYBhgL/s1600/image_handler.aspx.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="278" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ua-pdn3R5Wk/Wgt8ahSahPI/AAAAAAAAAi8/eQ_J2TJETVIizLQHVcAZOBCatgAmf8AnwCEwYBhgL/s400/image_handler.aspx.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On point after all them rains. (photo: University of Calgary Athletics) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Community Service Award</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Much to my disappointment, there was little in the truly outlandish
category this year. While winning the more solidified, mainstream categories is
most coveted, I would argue that the Community Service Award is the cornerstone
of this blog. Like its real-life counterpart, it ensures the preservation of that
which is rare and unquantifiable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps
the closest I saw to that ideal this year was the presentation offered by Cal
Dewolfe of Dalhousie. I’ve always been a fan of the team’s tiger shorts, but
there was an additional <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">je ne sais quoi </i>about
Dewolfe’s very bad faux-hawk/frosted tips combo that was a little better than
the rest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d07buWEZWIA/Wgt9CiXPp7I/AAAAAAAAAjA/L2O3BPT21bYur26mlBLzhI4PHYD3VPtDgCLcBGAs/s1600/23593327_1631583013560271_5029971878425378108_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d07buWEZWIA/Wgt9CiXPp7I/AAAAAAAAAjA/L2O3BPT21bYur26mlBLzhI4PHYD3VPtDgCLcBGAs/s400/23593327_1631583013560271_5029971878425378108_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">def a fridge photo candidate (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<h1>
Team Title</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If anyone knows anything about the real world value of
messageboard hype, it’s me. And though this can sometimes be a double-edged
sword, it seems that Calgary went the “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg" target="_blank">it’s gonna be forever</a>” route as opposed
to the “down in flames” path (sry for not incorporating something about loving
the game). They might not have won the real race, but sometimes success is
based on intangibles. And so, the team title goes to the Dinos – had some ‘stache
lowsticks in the individual cats, and good variety. Only 5/7, but it only takes
5 to score on the course, and with me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2XQNmb_ibHk/Wgt9YU5RQyI/AAAAAAAAAjE/SUlNxF1miO00ewL5W2pyHiGBYTSPvUPfQCLcBGAs/s1600/image_handler.aspx.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2XQNmb_ibHk/Wgt9YU5RQyI/AAAAAAAAAjE/SUlNxF1miO00ewL5W2pyHiGBYTSPvUPfQCLcBGAs/s640/image_handler.aspx.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vysgv7qVYTo" target="_blank">Dino-myte</a> (photo: University of Calgary Athletics) </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to CIS (not Usports, ain’t about that
#branding), Laval brings it wherever they go – race, dance floor, and personal
grooming is a place of no exception. A solid effort here – and that earns them 2nd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h7JE0nrC74s/Wgt-CUDIlAI/AAAAAAAAAjM/lFw4NT0jK80kjpSycc4kwnGnPHJSMKjFwCLcBGAs/s1600/23415594_1630753903643182_662858145228071266_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1092" data-original-width="1600" height="272" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h7JE0nrC74s/Wgt-CUDIlAI/AAAAAAAAAjM/lFw4NT0jK80kjpSycc4kwnGnPHJSMKjFwCLcBGAs/s400/23415594_1630753903643182_662858145228071266_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bien fait. (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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On the flipside of things, if anyone knows anything about
how it feels to be a human trapped in the body of a meme, it’s me.
Unfortunately for McMaster, this meme has less to do with purple wigs and
debauchery, and more to do with finishing 4<sup>th</sup> in the actual race for
about the hundredth time. I originally had Mac penned in for the medal position, but after a recount had to concede that... it was not to be. Bronze to Guelph. BOOM!</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xg06Ikr-ISQ/Wgt-P_g8tBI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/cpZt23TKRAQ6EerJsE3CVWo8PB6GRWy0gCLcBGAs/s1600/23509367_10155319812823323_581158937958987434_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="923" data-original-width="1380" height="428" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xg06Ikr-ISQ/Wgt-P_g8tBI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/cpZt23TKRAQ6EerJsE3CVWo8PB6GRWy0gCLcBGAs/s640/23509367_10155319812823323_581158937958987434_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back in it. (photo: Guelph Gryphons)</td></tr>
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<h1>
Individual Champion</h1>
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Typically, this here blog maintains some decorum with regard
to calling out randoms, because I don’t have time for that hatorade/lawsuit
$wag. However in 2015, I decided to give the shout to some dude from Manitoba.
As it turns out, they do have the internet out at the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCFo0a8V-Ag" target="_blank">100th meridian</a>, and their boy getting the shout may have been the most
eventful thing to happen in a few decades out in the Peg. But more importantly, this was
enough to land this publication on the wall of the men’s locker room (my
greatest dream, obviously). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This piece
of information was so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">intoxicating</i>
that it solidified the Individual Champion category in favour of Patrice Bulloch of Manitoba. </div>
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We could go on about the mullet and 'stache (an improvement
on an already good 2015 offering), but it is said that a picture is worth 1000
words (and I'm speechless).</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CQRnHZTFLyo/Wgt-qJdBuOI/AAAAAAAAAjY/VC9vh1pTi3YR5P4AOp-BYzt6TpTBhUHowCLcBGAs/s1600/23511196_1631578743560698_7731618296556865278_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="995" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CQRnHZTFLyo/Wgt-qJdBuOI/AAAAAAAAAjY/VC9vh1pTi3YR5P4AOp-BYzt6TpTBhUHowCLcBGAs/s400/23511196_1631578743560698_7731618296556865278_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">10/10 (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
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While a more detailed search ousted this runner-up from an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">early lead</i>, if something’s good enough
to force a cat-call out of me during pre-race strides, some recompense is in
order. And there’s no denying I like me a mullet, I like me some neon and I
like me some classic ‘stache. Congrats to my fellow bubble boy Kieran McDonald
from Alberta for this fine effort and razor-sharp attention to detail. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wC0MbjJ9zZ0/Wgt_P0g-zmI/AAAAAAAAAjg/CG1Dqjh9p2Y9MtyTuPB6zUwmHErBl79ZwCLcBGAs/s1600/23509297_1631576883560884_3873821696020342531_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="995" data-original-width="1492" height="425" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wC0MbjJ9zZ0/Wgt_P0g-zmI/AAAAAAAAAjg/CG1Dqjh9p2Y9MtyTuPB6zUwmHErBl79ZwCLcBGAs/s640/23509297_1631576883560884_3873821696020342531_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYDKK95cpfM" target="_blank">#YOLO</a> (photo: Cross-Country et athletisme/ P. Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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And in the third spot? Tarc Murmel.. or is it Marc Turmel? Idk, some dude from Regina.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--JMcWFWqz1A/WgufrLj1tJI/AAAAAAAAAkA/2YNi3uxlShsGLL8JJudErNz1sFLu0I4HQCLcBGAs/s1600/21740295_1381182681980516_853387133998596969_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="543" data-original-width="532" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--JMcWFWqz1A/WgufrLj1tJI/AAAAAAAAAkA/2YNi3uxlShsGLL8JJudErNz1sFLu0I4HQCLcBGAs/s400/21740295_1381182681980516_853387133998596969_n.jpg" width="391" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nike shill? (photo: Marc Turmel)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pai3kFeWnnQ/Wguz9-3hzqI/AAAAAAAAAkU/UcxaF8V837kgVIc3sG9S8gYCjHhwmKbUgCLcBGAs/s1600/preview.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pai3kFeWnnQ/Wguz9-3hzqI/AAAAAAAAAkU/UcxaF8V837kgVIc3sG9S8gYCjHhwmKbUgCLcBGAs/s640/preview.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actual events were much rainier than prophecied. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Well folks, as sad as it may be, that's it for at least another year. As always, hatemail, general interest and journalistic awards may be forwarded to me as you see fit (pls @ me, so lonely). But until next time, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Red_Green_Show" target="_blank">keep your 14s on the grass. </a></div>
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Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-88059684084807420552015-11-18T01:20:00.000-05:002015-11-18T01:21:18.093-05:00Episode 158: Muchachos & Mustachios (Edition V, 2015)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WbTFPopCyt0/Vkv-IqPylWI/AAAAAAAAAek/n2gIa2taCgM/s1600/mountjoy_mgravina.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-13738496-18d4-dcc9-8094-9469b6565a82" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This year’s Mustache Report is dedicated to every soul (all six of you!) that held the delusional belief that I would somehow materialize atop the precarious steps leading to the fabled Brass Taps (where I once iced a professor). Blessed be your innocence, for it has revived me.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Now that we’ve got all that sentimental crap out of the way, I’ll be scraping through this distance ed final like only I know how: through the magic of the internet google machine and all its glorious repositories. As all now hopefully realize, since hitchhiking and hobo-ing my way leftwards to seek my fortunes earlier this year (namely picking through random trash cans in Swift Current, SK/hiding in bushes at Jericho Beach), the </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2DTLbTQj0I" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">rainbow connection</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> that is the internet is all that binds me to the CIS/society in general.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And so let it begin, the The Annual Mustache Report, Edition <i>V</i> (foreshadowing?).</span></span></span></div>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Spectator of the Year</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Unfortunately I did not happen upon many spectator photos, and nothing seemed to catch the eyes of my ominipresent little birds on the day, so I’m going to with the default winner here: Jeff Mountjoy. This guy’s won this award four times, and judging by the early AM inebriated Snap I received from him, I shouldn’t be the one to deny him of this one pleasure (cleaning face paint/bodily fluids out of his beard for weeks). </span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WbTFPopCyt0/Vkv-IqPylWI/AAAAAAAAAek/n2gIa2taCgM/s1600/mountjoy_mgravina.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Tricolour feat "Go X'? Wat? (photo: Maxine Gravina)" border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WbTFPopCyt0/Vkv-IqPylWI/AAAAAAAAAek/n2gIa2taCgM/s640/mountjoy_mgravina.jpeg" width="284" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">A dedicated look. (photo: Maxine Gravina)</span></span></td></tr>
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<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Bowling for Soup Award</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In years past I’ve had trouble with this award as I tend to focus my obsessions on those with fine facial hair. This year however, I witnessed a few terrible (yet great) attempts. One can only presume that with the growing popularity of the XC ‘stache (note, never ‘stachies at nashies,’ this is Canada), this was the inevitable result. E’rybody wants to be a contender but some, inevitably, are just pretenders. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Luckily, since I am a noted schadenfreude enthusiast, there’s an award for failure. But don’t be too hard on yourselves boys, many of our past award winners have gone on to claim major brass in later years (if you start with the bar low it is easier to improve).</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">With that, I award Chris Balestrini of the Mustangs the Bowling for Soup Award for a great dirtstache. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YZh6LF6h47o/Vkv-4AHIKUI/AAAAAAAAAes/EUntC_HWNo4/s1600/balestrini_lavalxc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YZh6LF6h47o/Vkv-4AHIKUI/AAAAAAAAAes/EUntC_HWNo4/s640/balestrini_lavalxc.jpg" width="272" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Cringey, I love it. (photo: Cross-Country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In the runner-up position (up to you to decide whether that means “less bad” or just “worse, but in a less embarrassing manner”), we have Connor Black of the Gryphs. Not sure if there was anything there or not or if the lighting in the photos I looked at was just weird. At any rate, he’s a young lad, lots of time to </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">grow</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> here. </span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U1ZXKK9_lKw/VkwNjrvP2CI/AAAAAAAAAgA/ROFCJd0PVB8/s1600/black_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U1ZXKK9_lKw/VkwNjrvP2CI/AAAAAAAAAgA/ROFCJd0PVB8/s640/black_lavalxc.jpeg" width="547" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">There's something, I'm sure of it. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Rookie of the Year</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In the inaugural edition of this here report, I gave this award to a rookie sporting the Chad Kroeger from the Guelph. Four years later, I give this same award to a similar rookie, but this time his name is Ben Workman. I’ve kind of run out of Chad Kroeger jokes at this point, so you’ll have to forgive me.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GBksOktlv4s/VkwRR1KO7xI/AAAAAAAAAgs/BDOy_9RQbBk/s1600/workman_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GBksOktlv4s/VkwRR1KO7xI/AAAAAAAAAgs/BDOy_9RQbBk/s640/workman_lavalxc.jpeg" width="193" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Nice work... for a rook. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It is perhaps to be noted that my ROY award has a pretty good </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">track</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> record (Hendrickx, Labranche, Wilkie). And, it’s like </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GSWc3S3FY0" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">every time I turn around I fall in love and find my heart face down and where it lands is where it should</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">, y’know? (I was just kidding about the Chad Kroeger joke thing, so much so that I spent 20 minutes watching Nickelback videos to get a line I could work with).</span></span></span></div>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Most Improved</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Speaking of low bars and improving, it's time for the Most Improved Award. The winner here had a ‘stache last year, but it didn’t really speak to me, despite our having matched on Tinder. This year’s edition seemed a bit more substantial, so I’mma throw the dub to Scott Donald of St FX. I mean, that and I’m trying to cling to relevancy by expanding my fading fan club empire into the AUS (is it still 1980 there?).</span></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MXcG_QN3Xag/VkwSOFraKZI/AAAAAAAAAg0/Z6hvatJVSdE/s1600/donald_dewolfe.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MXcG_QN3Xag/VkwSOFraKZI/AAAAAAAAAg0/Z6hvatJVSdE/s640/donald_dewolfe.jpeg" width="499" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Super like material? (photo: Cal DeWolfe's mom or something)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The runner-up in this category is some dude I’ve never heard of. It’s quite possible that he had a great ‘stache last year or his entire life or whatever, but he was dead to me until appearing in the race photos, so he might as well not have. Had he been more known to me, Patrique Bulloch of Manitoba might have been a contender for the overall prize. I’ll admit this doesn’t make much sense, but that (your success being dependent on whether or not I’ve had enough time to develop a decidedly unhealthy obsession with you) is just how it is.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gWXSlm2I758/Vkv_mKbCTiI/AAAAAAAAAe4/JENKZVLrlTg/s1600/bulloch_pgringbergs.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gWXSlm2I758/Vkv_mKbCTiI/AAAAAAAAAe4/JENKZVLrlTg/s640/bulloch_pgringbergs.jpeg" width="425" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Shoot, eh? (photo: Peter Grinbergs)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Beardo Award</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Janikowski wins this one with his old man beard as he did last year and the year before. Could be a lumberjack, could be a serial killer, could be both. But since he’s from Windsor, I’m going with serial killer. It’s just them mesmerizing blue eyes that'll do ya in. </span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bStNuOfGDh8/Vkv_z9SNd5I/AAAAAAAAAfA/foQgzqsNBt0/s1600/jani_mgravina.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bStNuOfGDh8/Vkv_z9SNd5I/AAAAAAAAAfA/foQgzqsNBt0/s640/jani_mgravina.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Terrifying... for Trees (or not as it turns out) (photo: Maxine Gravina)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Flowtastic Award</span></span></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In the hunt for mid-November, it is always important to consider that there is likely to be a hefty breeze when considering your hair options. For some, that might mean restraining one’s locks with a hair tie or headband, but for those with more important aspirations (aesthetics, attracting off-centre purple wig-wearing individuals), there is no question about what is to be done: nothing.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Congrats to Elliot DeLange of the Golden Hawks for his golden, shiny hairs and #longhairdontcare attitude.</span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m13wIesOfek/VkwOcCPCDII/AAAAAAAAAgQ/wz410_X-XRw/s1600/delange_pg.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m13wIesOfek/VkwOcCPCDII/AAAAAAAAAgQ/wz410_X-XRw/s640/delange_pg.jpeg" width="425" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">But, what if he does care??? (photo: Peter Grinbergs)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Community Service Award</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My personal value system put me in a serious conundrum with regard to the principle of this award. I know, it’s shocking, I do have values and principles. See the thing is, I really wanted to give the winner of this award the overall title, because his effort was simply the best. However, my aesthetic principles dictates that the winner of the overall title adhere to traditional stylistic rules. They say rules are made to be broken, but like, nah, because this is my party and I'll make unreasonable choices if I want to.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And so, with my most sincere condolences, I award JD Labranche the Community Service Award. May his beautiful example of sheer confidence provide inspiration to rock that Jack Sparrow face fur thing. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X52VqhVGi_c/VkwAQhiCy7I/AAAAAAAAAfI/2Q6x-1Czkj0/s1600/jd_laval%2Bxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="459" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X52VqhVGi_c/VkwAQhiCy7I/AAAAAAAAAfI/2Q6x-1Czkj0/s640/jd_laval%2Bxc.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Why is the rum all gone??? (photo Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In the vein of fictional historic figures, the runner-up in this category happens to be Alexandre “Lincoln Vampire Hunter” Ricard. If I had a bit more of a soul, I’d have worried mine had been stolen through the camera lens. </span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1I95WOD5oFw/VkwAsKE4GKI/AAAAAAAAAfQ/O8czG_CCCnQ/s1600/ricard_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1I95WOD5oFw/VkwAsKE4GKI/AAAAAAAAAfQ/O8czG_CCCnQ/s640/ricard_lavalxc.jpeg" width="571" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEqJw4XCDEk" target="_blank">History remembers the battle but forgets the blood</a>. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Team Title</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">If you’re the type of person to use magical thinking to connect unrelated events, you might say that my relocation was the cause of some significant unrest in the CIS order of things. I mean think about it…the beginning of the Guelph streak (fall 2006) was the time of my birth so to speak, so it would seem that the men's banner has ever since been dictated solely by my approximate physical location. This might have less to do with magical thinking and more to do with increased easy run pace necessitated by training within my firing range, though.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">But race be damned, in this here blog, the order of things is a bit different: I’m seeing the continuation of a streak. That’s right, not only did the UVic Vikes win the actual race, they also won the Team Mustache Title, repeating their result from 2014. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They not only had a 6/7 participation rate, but dang, these mustaches were on fleek. So much so that it made me regret not being there in person (so I could get handsy during the team celly huddle). </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YJc4MzA9pEY/VkwBP5hGUgI/AAAAAAAAAfY/Txn2asxXjZA/s1600/uvic_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="308" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YJc4MzA9pEY/VkwBP5hGUgI/AAAAAAAAAfY/Txn2asxXjZA/s640/uvic_lavalxc.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Is polyandry legal? (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Another team that presented well, as per usual was Laval. They had sort of a Community Service theme going on with their team, which I definitely dig, but lost out to Vic on two fronts. First, there was the actual race performance (mustaches + fast = profit?!!), but more importantly, I was kind of upset that I received no incoherent, broken English communications. Laval, </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxpDa-c-4Mc#t=0m20s" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">you use to call me on my cell phone, late night</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> when you needed my opinion on your hairs, late night when you needed to update me on whatever club you were devastating. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w8-fQuOk98U/VkwBdnxRgtI/AAAAAAAAAfg/QCXm8ArMAsw/s1600/laval_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w8-fQuOk98U/VkwBdnxRgtI/AAAAAAAAAfg/QCXm8ArMAsw/s640/laval_lavalxc.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">#hotlinebling (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Finally, rounding out the top three team we have another perennial contender: Windsor. Nothing too special here (except maybe Ullman’s nasty chin strap), just a solid group of blue collar ‘staches. Good work boys.</span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2N_oPkmo0XQ/VkwPkRGuM5I/AAAAAAAAAgY/K2HMycJTm80/s1600/windsor_zackjones.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2N_oPkmo0XQ/VkwPkRGuM5I/AAAAAAAAAgY/K2HMycJTm80/s640/windsor_zackjones.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">A solid effort as always. (photo: Zack Jones)</span></span></td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<h1 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 20pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 26.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Individual Champion</span></span></span></h1>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The one you’ve all been waiting for: the individual title. And believe me, some people other than myself have been waiting for this individual for some time as well. After years of increasingly spurious </span><a href="http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=5589805&page=3" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">WEBB IS BACK BABY!!!!!!!</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">-esque threads, our individual champ finally got to come into his own as the athlete we remember him to be (French sub-4 dude, very pretty). Madd props to Olivier Collin for busting out a clutch race with a clutch face.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P82U6ZzzhRk/VkwPyCqBlrI/AAAAAAAAAgg/AYZ4Gpf8xv0/s1600/collin_lavalxc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P82U6ZzzhRk/VkwPyCqBlrI/AAAAAAAAAgg/AYZ4Gpf8xv0/s640/collin_lavalxc.jpg" width="496" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Still with the backwards ball cap tho... (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A bit further back in the rankings we see some other notable ‘staches as well. Up in 2nd, we have last year’s Flowtastic Award winner, Guelph’s Andrew Gordon, werking that ratchet (as in pass me one) handlebar. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fnkO_sWjJsU/VkwB4FseKXI/AAAAAAAAAfo/zJxOyuLDgxE/s1600/gordo_lavalxc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="443" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fnkO_sWjJsU/VkwB4FseKXI/AAAAAAAAAfo/zJxOyuLDgxE/s640/gordo_lavalxc.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">Pink arm warmers, nice. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In the the third position, we have Adam Marshall of TWU. He was sporting a timeless, classic mustache to absolute perfection. </span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-89sU9nDFyJ8/VkwCFEB2A4I/AAAAAAAAAfw/rGfGYOw0nWI/s1600/marshall_pgrinbergs.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-89sU9nDFyJ8/VkwCFEB2A4I/AAAAAAAAAfw/rGfGYOw0nWI/s640/marshall_pgrinbergs.jpeg" width="425" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">This 'stache is meat and potatoes (I am potato). (photo: Peter Grinbergs)</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And that’s it folks, there isn’t any more. Please remember to file your comments, complaints and restraining order requests in person to me on the evening of November 28th, appended with an adult pop processing fee.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></span>Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-59080264028260497472014-11-12T22:29:00.000-05:002014-11-12T22:36:47.134-05:00Episode 157: Muchachos & Mustachios (2014 Edition)Hello friends, and welcome to the 4th annual edition of "Ye Olde Speedgoggles Mustache Blog," as I hear it is referred to by the kids these days. When first I caught <i>wind</i> of the designation of the CIS XC championships to Memorial University, I felt a sense of duty to the people, the fans, to report with great acuity the hair-related goings-on on the Rock, lest they be able to experience it themselves. And truly, it (the race, the hairz) was one for the ages. As a result, I'll be going <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2bBZvSPpOo" target="_blank">0 to <i>100</i></a>, real quick.<br />
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Without further ado or apology (for very much intended puns), here it is: <br />
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<b>Spectator of the Year</b><br />
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Sometimes winning is just showing up. And when showing up is flying half-way to actual #YOLOndon, only to indecently expose yourself in the name of party attendance, well then, I don't know what else winning could be. So, to Jeff Mountjoy, 2013 Spectator of the Year, and his kilt in the <i>gael </i>force winds, facepaint and tricolour flag go the 2014 honours. The question remains: can in Guelph for the 2015 champs Mountjoy achieve the Spectator three-peat?<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hmp1NoXemiU/VGQV68476OI/AAAAAAAAAcw/7oUZeiHTm3Y/s1600/10482222_825943330790914_6646942959779013899_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hmp1NoXemiU/VGQV68476OI/AAAAAAAAAcw/7oUZeiHTm3Y/s640/10482222_825943330790914_6646942959779013899_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A <i>brave</i> outfit with <i>heart.</i> (credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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However, often victory is not without support. It is in this spirit that I award the runner-up status to fellow Gaels alumnus Tyson Loney for his efforts. Didn't really have a mustache, but like, he painted one on so I guess that counts for something. I mean, what's more "college" than flying 2000+ km for a party? Definitely not driving 8 hours for a party, which is my current PB.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BzCHRdzR0K8/VGQQE449HfI/AAAAAAAAAcE/KjOrVesEoHk/s1600/10614274_825942560790991_404578031587994931_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BzCHRdzR0K8/VGQQE449HfI/AAAAAAAAAcE/KjOrVesEoHk/s640/10614274_825942560790991_404578031587994931_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">~*~*~tEaM sPiRiT~*~*~(credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b> Bowling for Soup Award</b><br />
<br />
I'll admit that my judgmentation of the<b> </b>mustache mediocrity was somewhat mired by flying detritus and live commenting excitation. There were however, a few pencil-thin "not sure if I've hit puberty yet" mustaches on the course that caught my attention.<br />
<br />
Maybe it was the splits-seams in the hefty breeze, majestically blown dreads or the sizeable early lead that caught my attention, but the winner of this award is none other than TWU's Declan White. Fortune may favour the bold, but sometimes misfortune favours the bold moreso. Lawd knows I know that. Don't let the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM" target="_blank">h8erz</a> get you or your 'stache down, Declan.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1spLxQ9iGeE/VGQMDCBt5bI/AAAAAAAAAbc/59mDD2zZ9uo/s1600/1798222_10152684746438880_8587239323704927087_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1spLxQ9iGeE/VGQMDCBt5bI/AAAAAAAAAbc/59mDD2zZ9uo/s640/1798222_10152684746438880_8587239323704927087_n.jpg" width="371" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I, uh, guess there's something there. (credit: Dustin Silvey)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>Rookie of the Year</b><br />
<br />
I'd practically started to believe that this here blog had started to have a verifiable social impact on the CIS cross-country world (my only real dream these days), and then the rookie class of 2018 goes and lets me down, hard. Do you have any idea how deep I had to go to find a rook who even kind of had a 'stache? It was a terrible, terrible shame.<br />
<br />
Luckily la Belle Province didn't let me down <i>et m'ont fourni avec </i>a rook with <i>stiff upper lip</i>. So congrats to Gabriel Legaut of Laval, for restoring my faith in the young people. Vive la France (country of my dreams), etc. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9leEU4H5AyA/VGQNIijzAvI/AAAAAAAAAbk/n3YEtxlGhpQ/s1600/10644960_846612588716777_5965823918680712285_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9leEU4H5AyA/VGQNIijzAvI/AAAAAAAAAbk/n3YEtxlGhpQ/s640/10644960_846612588716777_5965823918680712285_n.jpg" width="379" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I get older but rookies stay the saaame age. (credit: Athlétisme Rouge et Or)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>Most Improved</b><br />
<br />
Ah, the Most Improved category. My favourite. It's where I get to give men hope, only to let them down. My specialty. I must say however, this year's winner impressed me; maybe it was the JFM, the sub-4 or maybe the tradition of his countrymen rubbing off, but Chuck P-T of Laval finally got to pull off that blonde 'stache (a difficult look) in his final year.<b> </b>Moving up from the "Bowling for Soup Award" in 2013 is an impressive feat, potentially only eclipsed by his alleged AP Snapchat game (maybe one day I'll be cool enough to be a recipient).<b></b><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rmiJdgt23Ns/VGQQ4RteaYI/AAAAAAAAAcM/1uweYmlwYPw/s1600/1979611_824867974231783_7389327601157454753_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rmiJdgt23Ns/VGQQ4RteaYI/AAAAAAAAAcM/1uweYmlwYPw/s640/1979611_824867974231783_7389327601157454753_n.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zoom no longer required. (credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b><br /></b>
Honourable mention in this category goes to Christian Gravel of Guelph, who also dared to defy his facial hair phenotype. Pure guts, glory.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cbfDPGPyY60/VGQRTUknCVI/AAAAAAAAAcU/1yfVm-v6Llo/s1600/10301129_824875927564321_1924442529900775076_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cbfDPGPyY60/VGQRTUknCVI/AAAAAAAAAcU/1yfVm-v6Llo/s640/10301129_824875927564321_1924442529900775076_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This photo exemplifies why I find running such a sexy sport. (credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Beardo Award</b><br />
<br />
Though admittedly not really about the beard, I feel the time has come for a separate award, for those who dare the lumberjack/hipster/hobo style. This year's inaugural Beardo Award goes to Paul Janikowski of Windsor (previous Individual Award 'stache runner-up) for his impeccably groomed face fuzz. <br />
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gX6VQAcArTA/VGQPf4ZvY_I/AAAAAAAAAb8/IZG3e7C2Mxo/s1600/10355372_824876467564267_2562015533262665464_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gX6VQAcArTA/VGQPf4ZvY_I/AAAAAAAAAb8/IZG3e7C2Mxo/s640/10355372_824876467564267_2562015533262665464_n.jpg" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fierce, fearsome. Beard. (credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
But there was someone else. There often is. The mystery of the "other." The West. Though perhaps not as prolific as Jani's beard, Matt Johnson of Regina deserves a shout-out. 'Cause I did indeed <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEWwZNUafKo" target="_blank">shout out (and let it all out). </a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-brOdWMlrXJM/VGQNjdBzIlI/AAAAAAAAAbs/cZFZr2p-kGs/s1600/10423862_824867964231784_2921640969940736361_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-brOdWMlrXJM/VGQNjdBzIlI/AAAAAAAAAbs/cZFZr2p-kGs/s640/10423862_824867964231784_2921640969940736361_n.jpg" width="316" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sick gloves braj. (credit: Nicolas Morin)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>Flowtastic Mun Award</b><br />
<br />
I'll be straight with y'all. I'm definitely about the flow.<b> </b>In honour of the host university (<a href="https://micaylapearl.wordpress.com/2014/05/20/its-called-a-mun/" target="_blank">MUN</a>, duh), I have decided to implement a fitting wildcard award: one for the best CIS mun. I mean, it was a practical wind machine out there, I'm not sure how I even contained myself.<br />
<br />
Though the comp here was close, I'm going to have to give the edge to Andrew Gordini "the Love Genie" of Guelph, who sported both the mun and the 'stache. His assault was further strengthened by his claims that he had not washed his locks in several decades.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A8wQ_xPvwMY/VGQYS36zf5I/AAAAAAAAAdU/1HXAB7qg3aA/s1600/10570316_558594800953710_4467195017962304986_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A8wQ_xPvwMY/VGQYS36zf5I/AAAAAAAAAdU/1HXAB7qg3aA/s640/10570316_558594800953710_4467195017962304986_n.jpg" width="272" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just lovely. (credit: Guelph Gryphons T&F)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
On the flip, baby smooth side, however, we have runner-up Dominique Aulagnon of Lakehead. When first I noticed that mun appear at the OUA championships, I was smitten. But I was looking for something more, and it was not quite enough. Next year, perhaps.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZxHOK69zYKs/VGQYxLsO2EI/AAAAAAAAAdc/qSTnFITcAY0/s1600/1910637_10204222518996635_2075437731246118594_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZxHOK69zYKs/VGQYxLsO2EI/AAAAAAAAAdc/qSTnFITcAY0/s640/1910637_10204222518996635_2075437731246118594_n.jpg" width="452" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beauty, grace. Mun. (credit: Alex Green)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Community Service Award</b><br />
<br />
Giving back to one's community is important, which is why I continue to do this here report year after year (or so I've managed to convince myself). But there are many ways to give back, and I believe that the promotion of dubious personal grooming is one of those modalities. I mean, who knows if you'll inspire some poor young man to step outside the rigidity of the standards of male beauty, making the world a weirder, more questionable place, where rat-tails, mullets and obscure dye-jobs are celebrated? One can only dream of such a utopia (and by one, I mean me, because I am the only one who dreams of that).<br />
<br />
Er, anyways... when first I saw the eventual recipient, I wasn't sure what to do, such was my level of impressedness. The ensemble was flawless - a half-head of "I just went on a Jamaican cruise" beaded cornrows, a wispy mustache and beautifully coiffed flow to frame it all. Cody Therrien of UVic had it all. Even the sweatband. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lbZziPHxxpQ/VGQOWxnwEcI/AAAAAAAAAb0/7_azZf5sr8Q/s1600/10428624_824876660897581_8443176481978468418_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lbZziPHxxpQ/VGQOWxnwEcI/AAAAAAAAAb0/7_azZf5sr8Q/s640/10428624_824876660897581_8443176481978468418_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nip? Me lurking in bushes, showing my appreciation in clever disguise? This photo has it all.(credit Nicolas Morin) </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Though I much appreciated the whimsy of Therrien's efforts, I feel that other, grittier efforts too deserve recognition. Sporting the ever-classic (with me at least) "just did a long haul with my rig, if you know what I mean" quasi-mullet/'stache combo, I award runner-up honours to Jordan Collison of Windsor, at whom I once threw an apple core after a failed mid-race proposal attempt. Oh, the formative years. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JvC5YL7Eo10/VGQbL7bFk-I/AAAAAAAAAd8/fJ3-j4p4cuc/s1600/75067_1667868377726_1081335_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JvC5YL7Eo10/VGQbL7bFk-I/AAAAAAAAAd8/fJ3-j4p4cuc/s640/75067_1667868377726_1081335_n.jpg" width="436" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No acceptable race photo could be located, but my brain says it was something like this. (credit: Jordan Collison)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>Team Title</b><br />
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Now we gettin' into the heavies. This year's team competition was difficult assess, presumably due to the spreading of my gospel (worrisome indeed), though my state during critical observation hours might have been a factor as well. In my defense, I bring forth the words of celebrated lyricist Calvin Harris: "don't blame it on me, blame it on the night."<br />
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On the team front, it would appear that the Laval hair dynasty has started to wane, and that new powers have started to rise: the West. Assisted by a slew of award-worthy candidates and a number of solid mid-range performers, this year's team title goes to UVic, who boasted an impressive 7/8 'stache participation, with only rookie Weir bare up-top. Simplicity was the name of the game here, and the Vikes pulled it off impeccably, taking full advantage of that left coast hip style to which I am not-so-secretly partial.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WjLynmlKYec/VGQZsUbY8qI/AAAAAAAAAdo/oecQ_mTQSXc/s1600/1502882_10152762267061558_5849302569910327717_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WjLynmlKYec/VGQZsUbY8qI/AAAAAAAAAdo/oecQ_mTQSXc/s640/1502882_10152762267061558_5849302569910327717_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So hip, so hype. (credit: Brent Fougner)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Additional impressive facial hair coherency on the western front was also demonstrated by Regina. Headlined by the one-two punch of Johnson and Strueby, this team also impressed (but maybe that's my <i>cougar</i> aspirations coming through). <br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>[No picture, because apparently the Cougars were camera-shy this weekend]</i><br />
<br />
On the other side of the universe, strong showings were also made by Windsor and St. FX. Nothing super special here, but respectable efforts nonetheless.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7tbuONDmTSE/VGQU-F92XAI/AAAAAAAAAcg/kDwJ_Emj898/s1600/10698456_899157863427570_3347398369438322898_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="512" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7tbuONDmTSE/VGQU-F92XAI/AAAAAAAAAcg/kDwJ_Emj898/s640/10698456_899157863427570_3347398369438322898_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Decent I suppose. (credit: Cal DeWolfe's mom or something)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9MWUGLCpA5E/VGQVCIA9bNI/AAAAAAAAAco/PVnGCf8c4Ao/s1600/7608_10152794346140295_8319419812321864474_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9MWUGLCpA5E/VGQVCIA9bNI/AAAAAAAAAco/PVnGCf8c4Ao/s640/7608_10152794346140295_8319419812321864474_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> (credit: Matt Travaglini)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Individual Title</b><br />
<br />
Understated was the name of the game this year, with no flashy dye-jobs or haircuts taking my centre-stage this time 'round. I mean, you can't expect to obtain the same results year after year without trying something different (is this like, an Albert Einstein quote?). Well, at any rate, originality and spunk is key with me, no re-<i>do</i>'s allowed.<br />
<br />
Setting the stage, in the runner-up category, we have a few familiar faces, and a few new ones. Perennial contender, Olivier "Three Muskateers" Collin of the Vikes impressed (aided slightly this year by his lack of backwards cap shenanigans), as did Matt McNeil of Dal with his filthy handlebar display. Actual CIS champion Proudfoot of Guelph just missed out on the real prize, this year finally shying away from the dreaded Chad Kroeger (the style says thank you - for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqajUg85Ax4" target="_blank">let[ting] me go</a>).<br />
<b><br /></b>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-653PYCN4GVI/VGQWsVA1gfI/AAAAAAAAAdI/VVvY5_iML8k/s1600/1235024_824868154231765_350607370083095614_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-653PYCN4GVI/VGQWsVA1gfI/AAAAAAAAAdI/VVvY5_iML8k/s400/1235024_824868154231765_350607370083095614_n.jpg" width="137" /></a><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xjR4e-meqpM/VGQWk_79ZPI/AAAAAAAAAc4/00onppofmO8/s1600/10644761_825942760790971_9140058600634400584_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xjR4e-meqpM/VGQWk_79ZPI/AAAAAAAAAc4/00onppofmO8/s400/10644761_825942760790971_9140058600634400584_n.jpg" width="131" /></a><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Tivr0SEHMw8/VGQWojNcyxI/AAAAAAAAAdA/KNorafuAq0Y/s1600/10336768_10152684747678880_3762727087674246168_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Tivr0SEHMw8/VGQWojNcyxI/AAAAAAAAAdA/KNorafuAq0Y/s400/10336768_10152684747678880_3762727087674246168_n.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Nice work boiz. (credit: Nicolas Morin)</span></div>
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This year, once again, the big shebang goes out to the low-stick leader of the team champ - none other than Jackson Bocksnick of UVic. Though perhaps lacking the hype of some of the previous champs (or maybe it's just that I'm not hip enough for his insta), Bocksnick's 'stache managed to shine through the wind, hail and rain and whatever else St. John's decided to throw at him (a defrosting cod that had been around the block a few times too many). I personally had the honour of dissecting this beautiful specimen, and can officially report that its tips were waxed flawlessly as of ~12 AM NDT. That's dedication to the craft, that.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-emAMRygaNYg/VGQLEYRPhqI/AAAAAAAAAbU/-QghqInNVbM/s1600/10462352_10152680499643880_8559262749189444117_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-emAMRygaNYg/VGQLEYRPhqI/AAAAAAAAAbU/-QghqInNVbM/s640/10462352_10152680499643880_8559262749189444117_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And it was even his birthday?!!!? omg (credit: Dustin Silvey)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Well folks, that's it for this most wonderful time of the year. If you need me, I'll be crying in a corner somewhere vaguely exclaiming "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHUbLv4ThOo" target="_blank">It's going down, I'm yelling Tinder</a>!" in a futile attempt to regain meaning in my life.<br />
<br />
Until we meet again, xoxo (so like, probably nevar)<br />
SG Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-50548742293919725022013-11-11T22:19:00.000-05:002013-11-12T08:38:18.483-05:00Episode 156: Muchachos & Mustachios (2013 edition)Welcome back friends, to the much anticipated, annual Mustache Report (I guess you could say it's now a "thing"). This year's edition will be bigger, more picture-y and possibly even better than last year's.<br />
<br />
Possibly. I've still yet to receive word from the Pulitzer Prize committee. I suspect they have misplaced my address. I am not sure the bridge under which I live has been attributed a valid postal code.<br />
<br />
Building of off my systematic process that proved so effective in '12 (cross-referencing IRL observations with photographic evidence and the all-knowing program guide), I have decided to share the wealth a bit more in terms of the runners-up this year. This is partly because picture-whoring randoms equals more blog hits, but also because the competition was as stiff as uh... nevermind.<br />
<br />
I can only assume the field stepped up their game as a response to the spreading gospel of this blog. I accord such significance to my work humbly, of course. It's not easy riding the coat-tails of three-year-old messageboard infamy. <br />
<br />
Now, without further ado, the gospel of the 'gogs:<br />
<h2>
<b>Spectator of the Year</b></h2>
Sometimes the dedication to outrageous and notorious grease is mired by pesky notions such as "racing" and "performance optimization." Simply put, there are just some accoutrements that cannot accompany the singlet and bib number, unless you are a complete dust-show or are running the Disney World marathon. And let's be real, Speedgoggles is interested in neither of those things.<br />
<br />
Spectators, however, are free to #yolo. And the more #yolo, the better. <br />
<br />
In that vein, first prize this year goes to Jeff Mountjoy, for his daring use of a) a filthy, filthy beard, b) liberal application of body paint, c) kilt (rescinded if underwear was worn) and d) flag-havingness. Very #yoloz (I am the #yolo king).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uomUREUz4pU/UoIvAgAmQ-I/AAAAAAAAAZg/61FQjIXyBkE/s1600/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="416" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uomUREUz4pU/UoIvAgAmQ-I/AAAAAAAAAZg/61FQjIXyBkE/s640/1.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photographic evidence was located, but I still stand by the prowess of my previous vocation. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Honourable mention/[not?] runner-up honours go to the Mac mascot dude. I don't know who you were, but them dance moves were madd fresssssh.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-v50ID6tw9Ks/UoFyD8z_kTI/AAAAAAAAAWo/9u1zBXj1B7s/s1600/421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-v50ID6tw9Ks/UoFyD8z_kTI/AAAAAAAAAWo/9u1zBXj1B7s/s640/421.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shake ya tailfeather</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<h2>
<b>Community Service Award</b></h2>
Four minute miles and five minute beer miles aside, it's pretty hard to impress me. When your daily wardrobe tends to include underwear, a purple wig and a trenchcoat, the standard against which eccentricity is measured is inevitably raised. I'm not really sure what the meaning of this award is, but I think that eccentricity is probably what it means. And in the realm of blogs about facial hair, I'm always right. <br />
<br />
Last year's winner D. Haight disappointed, sporting well, not a filthy mullet. Minus 400! His 'stache was pretty good, but a 'stache just isn't enough for the Community Service Award. You have to want it, a plain ol' 'stache is kind of like thinking you should get Citizen of the Year because you held a door open for someone one time. Everyone does that. It's a nice gesture, but not a game changer.<br />
<br />
However, a different Vike stepped up to fill the void. In fact, he stepped up so much that I kind of felt a bit violated by simply looking at his facial hair. That's saying something.<br />
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This year, the Community Service Award goes to none other than Ryan Cassidy, for the most gruesome viking beard I've ever seen, further accentuated by his shaven head. Yikes!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iRVYKtB1O48/UoF0pAIkw-I/AAAAAAAAAW4/7mBI_GCL-Cs/s1600/541.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iRVYKtB1O48/UoF0pAIkw-I/AAAAAAAAAW4/7mBI_GCL-Cs/s640/541.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Resemblance to that terrifying Sim that I always made sociopathic and violent is striking. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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S/O to Laurier Golden Hawk Adam Cornwall for sporting the lilac flow. He may not have sported a 'stache (that I could see), but I do appreciate a man that can pull off the purple hair. Maybe we're soulmates or something.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vXFyr4yriq0/UoF1kgrRf7I/AAAAAAAAAXA/OHt5gAaZpxg/s1600/1422460_10151728167871190_1249097540_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vXFyr4yriq0/UoF1kgrRf7I/AAAAAAAAAXA/OHt5gAaZpxg/s640/1422460_10151728167871190_1249097540_n.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is the purple-haired gene recessive? </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(S/O to Peter Grinbergs for this photo)</span><br />
<h2>
<b> </b></h2>
<h2>
<b>Bowling For Soup Award</b></h2>
<br />
Mildly interesting story: I encountered someone yesterday who was aware of this reference, it was both heartening and disappointing, kind of like how I didn't end up dismembered or in a dumpster this past weekend. <br />
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I saw a few funnies out there this year, all of which blurred the lines (what rhymes with hug me?) between "funny on purpose" and "maybe people will think I'm being funny on purpose HAHA I HOPE THEY'RE LAUGHING WITH ME." That's the sort of confusion I stand for. <br />
<br />
At any rate, the bad ol' Bowling For Soup Award goes to none other than Chuck P-T. It would seem that this fellow tried to learn from the mistakes of other blonde d00ds of questionable mustache growing power (see Evan Jager failstache discussion at the end of <a href="http://www.flotrack.org/video/692451-Evan-Jager-talks-sub-8-possibilities-after-mile-at-2013-Husky-Classic" target="_blank">this</a> interview) by going with the ol' JFM route.<br />
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The resulting Salvadore Dali creeper pencil 'stache was definitely a winner... of this award.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AD978Omx68Y/UoF62oTCx3I/AAAAAAAAAXQ/Js42H_PV2os/s1600/411.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AD978Omx68Y/UoF62oTCx3I/AAAAAAAAAXQ/Js42H_PV2os/s640/411.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zoom? Zoom plz?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Other honourable mentions for this award go to Maxime Lapierre, also reppin' Les Boys. I think he got into an accident with his shaver during a Jekyll & Hyde transition phase. Either that, or he had to make some sort of compromise with a lady friend and/or mother and decided to shave half of his face. Odd, very odd.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nC2z3Np02eE/UoF7IYvKL8I/AAAAAAAAAXY/T5GCZdBAYa0/s1600/1455040_10151728146816190_144990563_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nC2z3Np02eE/UoF7IYvKL8I/AAAAAAAAAXY/T5GCZdBAYa0/s640/1455040_10151728146816190_144990563_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What is le going on here? Je ne comprends pas.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(S/O to Peter Grinbergs again for this one)</span><br />
<h2>
<b> </b></h2>
<h2>
<b>Most Improved</b></h2>
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b><br />
Sometimes a change of scene is just what you need to step up your game, on the golf course and on the facial hair front. I'm pretty sure that this year's winner had a 'stache last year, but it probably sucked. Either that or it was overshadowed by his other French countrymen. Making waves in the midst of a tsunami is futile, I guess. <br />
<br />
This year's Most Improved Award goes to Ben Raymond, now of Laval. That's some fancy-ass razor work right there.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TPbhFtwKKyc/UoF765ri3eI/AAAAAAAAAXg/FrKMXP9pc9k/s1600/1002014_10151728166916190_1583387539_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TPbhFtwKKyc/UoF765ri3eI/AAAAAAAAAXg/FrKMXP9pc9k/s640/1002014_10151728166916190_1583387539_n.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It seems that Western is not the only team that produces "hot transfers."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(S/O to Peter Grinbergs again again for this one)</span><br />
<h2>
<b>Rookie of the Year </b></h2>
Were there any rookies this year? T. Woody doesn't count, he looks like he could be my father.<br />
<br />
I was originally going to slot this year's Rookie of the Year into the "Bowling For Soup" category, but then I realized that if I removed him, there would be no winner in this category, which makes me sad. Kids these days, they don't even know who I am! Seriously, I had to explain my existence to a bunch of rookies earlier this week, it was terrible. <br />
<br />
At first, I thought this rookie had had an unfortunate elbow mishap in the early stages of the race, resulting in a nosebleed. However, the third time I saw him, I decided that there was something more mysterious afoot, as nosebleeds aren't usually blue in addition to red.<br />
<br />
Congrats to Alex Wilkie of the Gaels, for his perplexing tricolour rookie 'stache. Pro-tip: having a nosebleed is only sexy if you can convince people that you won the fight (presumed false if distance runner).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YlvqmWmJmwY/UoF8g3ywKuI/AAAAAAAAAXo/-VbCun1W_Ok/s1600/669.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YlvqmWmJmwY/UoF8g3ywKuI/AAAAAAAAAXo/-VbCun1W_Ok/s640/669.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The tragedy of art is that it if it is truly great, it is often misunderstood.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<b> </b></h2>
<h2>
<b>Team Title</b></h2>
So excited was I about the prospect of knowing what Les Boys would bring to table in terms of personal style, that I conducted a midnight phone interview with a high fever (ain't nobody got time for bronchitis!). Les Boys were quite coy about revealing what was going on with their hair, though evidence later surfaced on the twitters. I admitted some concern that the boys from Mac might be outdo them.<br />
<br />
I was right.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MnvG1Zvx65g/UoF87nINnhI/AAAAAAAAAXw/Js9xSaR-S6k/s1600/1395137_10153437217335720_2007519070_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MnvG1Zvx65g/UoF87nINnhI/AAAAAAAAAXw/Js9xSaR-S6k/s640/1395137_10153437217335720_2007519070_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maroon mohawks, sooo hot right now.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Just like at OUAs, the Mac boys' colourful mohawks came in and stole the show. I guess if you're looking historically at how one can take home the team banner in the old Mustache Report, you're gonna have to know that the mohawk is always an advantage. I can't quite explain it, but the stats just don't lie.<br />
<br />
That, and I suspect that Les Boys copied the Lady Gryphs' dye jobs from '12. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, imitation gets you nowhere with me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RlrfL79jWas/UoGFmzxd2uI/AAAAAAAAAYA/c8-md6vEQvk/s1600/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="415" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RlrfL79jWas/UoGFmzxd2uI/AAAAAAAAAYA/c8-md6vEQvk/s640/1.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shit's lookin' reaaaal familiar, Les Boys. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h2>
<b>Individual Title</b></h2>
With heavyweight (lawl, has anyone else ever referred to him as such?) Wiebe out of the picture, the individual title was one for the taking. Favourites in the run-up included last year's Most Improved, Archer as well as the Forbes twins. <br />
<br />
However, the winner of the individual title this year was a complete dark horse. I wasn't even aware that he could grow facial hair, or that he even existed (jk, I knew that he existed, I know <i>everyone</i>). <br />
<br />
This year's overall winner is none other than Blair "Captain" Morgan. Moral of the story: Red mohawk + chin strap + greasy 'stache = Great Success.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rjZLqy-g600/UoGHY0bFzWI/AAAAAAAAAYY/2aYBjviygi4/s1600/2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="370" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rjZLqy-g600/UoGHY0bFzWI/AAAAAAAAAYY/2aYBjviygi4/s640/2.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't act like you've never scratched out a girl's face in a photo.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
In keeping with Mac's strong showing in the hair department, honourable mentions go to Taylor Forbes (sorry Austen, I ain't about that Chad Kroeger shit), as well as the perennial bridesmaid Archer. Other noteworthy 'staches include Olivier Collin (+10 for Frenchness, minus 500 for superfluous backwards cap use) and Janikowski of the Lancers. <br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vgL9FcyHphw/UoGH-MyX4WI/AAAAAAAAAYc/EWoPdzJq754/s1600/469.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vgL9FcyHphw/UoGH-MyX4WI/AAAAAAAAAYc/EWoPdzJq754/s640/469.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Basically same photo as last year, basically same result. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4s4RTtuS1gU/UoGICUIgjOI/AAAAAAAAAYk/gdQdbpTAtKo/s1600/874.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4s4RTtuS1gU/UoGICUIgjOI/AAAAAAAAAYk/gdQdbpTAtKo/s640/874.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Close, but no cigar.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sSwTPLDZWf4/UoGIYzTgNRI/AAAAAAAAAY0/qcWU2VYQBTo/s1600/636.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sSwTPLDZWf4/UoGIYzTgNRI/AAAAAAAAAY0/qcWU2VYQBTo/s640/636.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another respectable showing. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W_eZijuZK3E/UoGKwdf3wDI/AAAAAAAAAZA/VP-Mie6Lb3Q/s1600/745.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W_eZijuZK3E/UoGKwdf3wDI/AAAAAAAAAZA/VP-Mie6Lb3Q/s640/745.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beau chapeau?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Well, folks, that's it, there isn't any more. If you're looking for me (with a pitchfork or knowledge of the progress of my Pulitzer Prize nom), you may find me under a wifi capable bridge or on the trackie forum in a state of nostalgic semi-retirement. <br />
<br />
<br />Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-39745621878697709902012-11-14T21:13:00.001-05:002012-11-14T21:15:49.459-05:00Episode 155: Muchachos & Mustachios (2012 edition)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KbcdpMHYRxM/UKRKYuPRtMI/AAAAAAAAAVU/Mhw_5dbFJNk/s1600/Picture+7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
Well, well, well. Here we are again.<br />
<br />
I've come out of retirement for my annual stint as the unofficial championship mustache evaluator and report writer. If this does not adequately justify my role in your life, you can call may the Emeritus Poet Laureate of TnFnorth (a dubious distinction). <br />
<br />
Now let's dive in, shall we?<br />
<br />
Last year was a bit of a mess. And I'm not just talking about the course (which certainly affected my ability to appraise mustaches IRL and from the scant, blurred photographs uploaded to the intarwebz). But the first time is often a mess.<br />
<br />
I'm talking about mustache report writing. <br />
<br />
I didn't really have a plan. I was going to take notes. But then it snowed a lot and I got really angry at some parking garages and wanted to punch a baby. It happens. So then I was going to take notes at the after party. I'm sure you can imagine how this went. It didn't.<br />
<br />
This year, I was much more organized. I was assigned the task of mid-race scoring of the men's teams. I think I most monstrously misinterpreted the nature of this task. I don't think whoever got that paper was looking for this string of numbers: ... 5.5... 8... 10! 10! NO! HOLY SHIT 12!!!!! 3....<br />
<br />
Anyways. There were also more pictures on the interwebs. I took notes on those too. I also used a highlighter on the program. <br />
<br />
It was a VERY serious business. Mark my words. I've even linked to pictures for everyone to <strike>discretely save to their 'special' file folder</strike> peruse.<br />
<br />
Now, without further ado... the categories. I've added some new ones this year, so watch yourself, lest you wet yourself. <br />
<br />
<b>Spectator of the Year</b><br />
Oh man. As soon as I saw him I knew. I don't know the man's name. But he kind of looked like this TA I once had, and his name was Nick. So let's call this guy Nick.<br />
Nick was sporting gold spandex booty shorts. That in of itself was worth all the marbles. There were probably other things. But no other thing was necessary. I don't remember if he had a mustache or not. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KbcdpMHYRxM/UKRKYuPRtMI/AAAAAAAAAVU/Mhw_5dbFJNk/s1600/Picture+7.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KbcdpMHYRxM/UKRKYuPRtMI/AAAAAAAAAVU/Mhw_5dbFJNk/s400/Picture+7.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is everything I've ever wanted.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Community Service Award</b><br />
One time I made fun of this award and realized I was talking to a past winner. Awks. Anyways, this award bears no resemblance to the official one, where outlandish do-goodery is awarded. Unless you consider the promotion of filthy personal appearance to the masses to be do-goodery. And I do.<br />
<br />
This award goes to someone who had the appearance of someone likely to be <i>doing</i> community service. Yes, this award goes to none other than last year's Rookie of the Year winner, Dylan Haight for sporting what might be the most filthy mustache/flow/mullet combo I've ever seen. And that, my friends is an honour worth receiving. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y3fh-dAtta0/UKRKyMdZqOI/AAAAAAAAAVc/dfdcqZg9dO0/s1600/450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y3fh-dAtta0/UKRKyMdZqOI/AAAAAAAAAVc/dfdcqZg9dO0/s400/450.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Absolute filth, couldn't get enough of it.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Bowling for Soup Award</b><br />
Don't think anyone got this reference last year, and that's totally fine with me because it's not a cool reference. Last year I had a bit of trouble assigning this award, as I claimed blindness to mediocrity. This still holds, however I do feel that someone stepped up to command my attention in this category. Maybe this is the award that they coveted. I can only imagine the fulfillment that a young man might feel after being written about in the infamous "speed googles blog". It's the sort of thing a mother would print out and put on the fridge.<br />
<br />
Maybe just my mother. She's an odd lady.<br />
<br />
In any case, I award the prestigious Bowling for Soup Award to none other than Charlie Allan of the Waterloo Warriors, for the ballsy application of a sharpie handlebar mustache. It's long been my motto that if you know you're gonna fail embarrassingly, at least have the forthwith to fail humourously.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5XJaZh1BG6A/UKRK_aLIbVI/AAAAAAAAAVk/a8w4dGpu8-w/s1600/355.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5XJaZh1BG6A/UKRK_aLIbVI/AAAAAAAAAVk/a8w4dGpu8-w/s400/355.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bro, do you even lift?</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Also worth noting, T. Sayers of Western seen wearing aviators and a purple do-rag. I'm not sure what it all means. It was facking cloudy as shit.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1d47teSQ0Ek/UKRLTBjxEeI/AAAAAAAAAVs/OHekRBATPYU/s1600/387.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1d47teSQ0Ek/UKRLTBjxEeI/AAAAAAAAAVs/OHekRBATPYU/s400/387.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wut.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Most Improved</b><br />
You know what this one's about... you're at the peewee league year end picnic and this is the award the kinda chunky klutzy kid with the heart of gold gets because people feel a bit bad for him 'cause he tries real hard and all and he did manage to get an assist that one time, which is a one up from nothing you suppose...<br />
Yeah, that's exactly what this award is too. Sometimes I want to recognize people but they just aren't up to snuff. I can tell they tried hard to grow a filthy, offensive 'stache. And believe me, the depth was quite unreal this year. I was twitching. You can't take me anywhere. <br />
And so, the 'most improved' mustache category winner is Jeff Archer of Queen's. Maybe he had a mustache last year. But the one he had this year erased all memory I had of it, it was so glorious.<br />
Maybe next year bud. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6dqXxCDCh2U/UKRLmdm1z0I/AAAAAAAAAV0/Dz53YGI57e8/s1600/375.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6dqXxCDCh2U/UKRLmdm1z0I/AAAAAAAAAV0/Dz53YGI57e8/s400/375.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautimous.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Rookie of the Year</b><br />
After last year's stellar rookie class, the class of 2016 (but let's be real... 2017) left me a little disappointed. None of the big name rookies stepped up with any 'stache offerings. That's fine with me though... meant I got to do a little research. Had to dig a little deeper. Some say I have a knack for that sort of thing.<br />
But then I realized that J-D Labranche is technically a rookie. I like Quebec, but it is a strange place. So JD, his mustache and his red mullet/mohawk are the winners of the illustrious 'rookie of the year' distinction.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FLUCFK3snUQ/UKRNhLSzPCI/AAAAAAAAAV8/-xBIxZ5feWw/s1600/679.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FLUCFK3snUQ/UKRNhLSzPCI/AAAAAAAAAV8/-xBIxZ5feWw/s400/679.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">French mustaches are usually better.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
An honourable mention goes to Austen Forbes of the Marauders. <br />
<br />
<b>Team Title</b><br />
Last year, Windsor blew everyone out of the water for the big dub. This year, things were a little muddier (possibly to make up for the lack of mud... or boa constrictors present in London). I was highly impressed by the showings of Regina, Victoria as well as the defending champs, Windsor. Queen's, who I had called for the dark horse win let me down a little, as I noted a lack of <i>strong upper lip.</i> Seriously though, stop with the Chad Kroeger. No one likes that. Obligatory joke about Avril Lavigne. <br />
Now. The winners. It would seem, as last year, that to the runners-up<i> </i>go the mustache spoils. Laval.<br />
I realize this could be somewhat controversial. They didn't even all have mustaches!, I hear you cry. This is a travesty! Perhaps it is. But so am I. And those red mullet/mohawks were straight up. I love the mullet nearly as much as the mustache. And when I saw Laval sporting both, I had to put my sunglasses on. And I reserve that sort of action for only the most special of occasions.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zdSeHTUPfMA/UKRN_YHhbcI/AAAAAAAAAWE/elwoqH3veuA/s1600/Picture+11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zdSeHTUPfMA/UKRN_YHhbcI/AAAAAAAAAWE/elwoqH3veuA/s400/Picture+11.png" width="391" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fucking instagram? Dusty.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>Individual Champion </b> <br />
EZ-PZ. Kelly Wiebe. Duh.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SFx9EMa08as/UKROPiJPbyI/AAAAAAAAAWM/i52drBHKfy4/s1600/294.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SFx9EMa08as/UKROPiJPbyI/AAAAAAAAAWM/i52drBHKfy4/s400/294.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So beautiful even Wiebe's been caught staring.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Better luck next year d00ds. I'll be watching with anticipation. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b> </b> <br />
<b> </b> Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-78496862738210363152012-01-26T11:44:00.002-05:002012-01-26T11:49:33.550-05:00Episode 154: Opportunity CostIf you appreciate my existence even a little bit visit <a href="http://uofg.convio.net/site/TR/Events/General?pg=team&fr_id=1200&team_id=1430">here</a>.<br /><br />Why? More tracks in Ontario=more valid creeping ops. More valid creeping ops=better quality of life (for me, but also possibly for you if you are needy and place your welfare on whether or not I make blog posts).<br /><br />Who should you donate to? Whoever turns your crank, I suppose.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-80773309651638444422011-12-08T23:09:00.002-05:002011-12-08T23:17:56.204-05:00Episode 153: Victory Lap Revisited<span style="font-weight: bold;">"Don't come back for a victory lap, only losers come back for a victory lap...my brother did and he's a complete dick, fucking idiot." ~ Anonymous</span><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DyythZhiLUM/Tt46bkSUuCI/AAAAAAAAAVM/WuRz2Mv3O4M/s1600/bolt.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 278px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DyythZhiLUM/Tt46bkSUuCI/AAAAAAAAAVM/WuRz2Mv3O4M/s400/bolt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683044025059555362" border="0" /></a></p><p>This is not the type victory lap that is being referred to. </p><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" ft="{"type":3}"></span></h6>I've often said that the victory lap is a something you can smell on a person. It's the smell of self-loathing coupled with a whiff of devil-may-care recklessness. It's the smell of imprisonment and the smell of freedom all at once.<p></p><p>In fact, some might say I know quite a few things about the v-lap, but most of all I know this: I know why the caged bird sings.</p><p>At this point, you may be worrying that I've gone off the deep end and have started taking myself seriously. Trust me on this one, I wouldn't worry about that... ever. At least not on this blog.<br /></p><p>At this point you might also be curious about whether this return to the blogosphere heralds some kind of resurrection. Maybe, but probably not. This is more like a one-off endorsement. Or a PSA. Or a stab at a denouement. I find that it's quite impossible to tell most of the time.<br /></p><p>So back to caged birds, singing. The victory lap, the fifth year, five plus, grade thirteen, the Van Wilder (thanks again, Wikipedia). It seems like a terrible idea, yet 3.7% of high school students find themselves there (sorry Jimmy Wales, I'm mad broke). I was once among them.<br /></p><p><span style="font-style: italic;">It was the best of times, it was the worst of times</span>.</p><p>What can one hope to expect? I will detail these in two parts below:</p><p>[For maximal reading pleasure please start clip at :41 or you will experience deep regret]<br /></p><br /><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vl5McGN2L-E" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" width="420"></iframe><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Part 1: Fall/Winter</span></p><p>Well, you'll probably start off with imagining (resentfully) your peers experiencing the wonders of keg stands, emancipation, and more importantly WiFi (these are the main reasons for higher education, right?). These feelings will peak during late August/early September especially if you choose (ever so masochistically) to venture on to social networking sites (these will soon become your vice).<br /></p><p>The victory lappers will huddle for safety in groups in the cafeteria. Shame, fear will be rampant. You will know your kind - whatever the reason (grades, indecision, immaturity, fading hopes of Ofsaa glory trololol) you are all the same. You will dare not look others in the eye (especially not grade nines; Jesus... wasn't that one kid your reading buddy?) lest your resentment boil over in to some kind of alcohol based tantrum/downward spiral (this is inevitable but will happen later).<br /></p><p>You will soon find a posse of fellow dejected, disenchanted types united by your collective bitterness. You will become goons, haunting two places (I am assuming only runners and running groupies read this): the gym and the library.</p><p>The gym, obviously is a haven because core-o-clock & deluded upper body strength exercises will allow you to both channel your frustrations and avoid social contact. But the library? I don't know about you, but my high school's principal thought that if we had Wi-Fi the whole high school would descend into a terrifying [farm animal] porno-ring (she was a very misguided woman, but she was probably right about that). After all the decent proxy sites get blocked you will eventually be forced to start lurking sites that are just too puzzling to bother blocking (running forums, lulza). You will probably create at least 5 TnF accounts and might even consider posting on Letsrun, or descend into harder stuff (4Chan?!).</p><p>NOOOOOOO.<br /></p><p>Also, this might give you the opportunity to vandalize and steal copies of Runner's World and the like (no one will notice because you will be the only one who reads these).<br /></p><p>Every couple of weeks you will go on a far-flung adventure in which you will run fairly quickly around a grass loop or two and crush the dreams of legitimate high school seniors. This part will be pretty alright, if somewhat unsatisfying. You won't feel too bad about it since payback's a bitch. After Ofsaa you'll be an empty shell of a human being, no doubt. You might even consider dropping out at this point if the only reason you came back was for the O-show glory (which occurs conveniently before the drop date).</p><p>Then December will arrive. You'll realize that you actually legit have to make some life choices. Nopenopenope.<br /></p><p>Then suddenly - your uni apps are due and you're done school... FOREVER-until-September-but-that's-so-faaaar-away (unless you're going back for the whole year... good lord that sounds awful... seriously don't do it).<br /></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Part 2: Winter & beyond </span></p><p><span>You will march out of your high school expecting to feel like BAMF. Sunglasses off, never look back. You won't though. It will be snowy and barren. The only glory you will feel is your new-found ability to taunt any persons still involved in institutionalized learning.<br /></span></p><p><span>So. You've been dropped from the pillars of responsibility and expectation. You could do something meaningful with your time. You could travel, get a wicked job, save the world. Or you could realize these things are much too ambitious and purposeful for the likes of you. You will catch up on a lifetime's worth of internetting. Every day will feel as long as a life age of the Earth (winter makes me want to watch Lord of the Rings).<br /></span></p><p><span>After 6.5 days of this behaviour, you will feel crazier than Jack Torrance snowed in at the Overlook Hotel. You will need a project. A fifth year project.<br /></span></p><p><span>Things will go downhill from here. Remember how I foreshadowed those old library habits becoming vice and that crazy alcohol induced downward spiral? This is that time. You will memorize all the facebooks, all the blogs, all the twitters, all the wikis, in the name of research. Either that or you'll become enamoured with the delusion that you are an elite runner and go overboard on mileage, core, cross-training (and inevitably become injured leading to a catastrophic cascading effect of futility and boredom). Or perhaps a strange combination of all these things. Yeah. Definitely all of these things.<br /></span></p><p><span>You have arrived: there is a blogger account calling your name. You will find yourself hiding in a bush wearing dark sunglasses at high school meets.<br /></span></p><p><span>Real life? What is that? Your entire existence consists of watching people run in circles like a hamster on its infinite treadmill, spiraling out of control to the rhythm of the background music (seriously, if you didn't hit play go back and do and reread this whole thing).<br /></span></p><p><span>You will know no other way to live.<br /></span></p><p><span>Soon you'll become enamoured with another delusion- that actual people and stuff care about your life. There is no hope now.<br /></span></p><p>You have become Speedgoggles.</p><p>Okay, you actually haven't, no one can be me. But you will, no doubt have a similar trajectory should you choose the 5th year.<br /></p><p>Moral of the story? Choose your own adventure at my behest.<br /></p>Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-3968445350696932192011-11-28T20:41:00.005-05:002011-12-03T15:21:35.985-05:00Episode 152: Non-denominational winter holiday<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWX8I1GiHPI/TtQ40lIT46I/AAAAAAAAAVA/6nvG-vckmAk/s1600/xmas.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 135px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWX8I1GiHPI/TtQ40lIT46I/AAAAAAAAAVA/6nvG-vckmAk/s400/xmas.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680227505992360866" border="0" /></a><br />...is a solemn time for me.<br /><br />Don't get too caught up feeling sorry for me though... this is mostly just a cry for help. What kind of help?<br /><br />So glad you didn't ask! The deity of your choice smote in a most furious and wrath-filled fashion my parental units' wireless router in early May. I'm trying to guilt them into fixing this situation via the most ineffective means possible; a blog that is read by neither them nor their associates.<br /><br />EDIT: Not sure if it's coincidental or not, but I can now go home for Christmas.<br /><br />*Seizures are actually more likely to occur due to bright, flashing lights in recovering alcoholics than in epileptics (cool/attractive physics teacher, 2007). Perhaps I should worry...Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-80193701276353439862011-11-14T13:32:00.010-05:002011-11-30T21:31:31.502-05:00Episode 151: Muchachos & MustachiosRemember how I said I was going to do a mustache prediction post when I 'got my shit together'?<br /><br />Well, that didn't really happen; no one regrets more than I (with the small exception of that part of myself that cares about my transcript... but no one likes that guy, not even me).<br /><br />But less on dissociative personality disorder (thanks wikipedia), and more on mustaches. Now, I was planning on obtaining photographic evidence, or at the very least taking notes (walking around the club with a notepad FTW), but these things, much like the prediction post were only wishful thinking. So I must rely on memory... ruh roh.<br /><br />& so we begin... in order of ascending exciting-ness (naturally).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Spectator of the Year</span><br />I know an unfortunate amount about spectating, and not just 'cause I'm the biggest creep around. Woah... that's an unexpectedly emo twist to this otherwise lighthearted article. Let's pretend that never happened... anyways, the 'stache comp isn't just about those who toe the line - it's about the supporting cast as well.<br /><br />As usual, there was a strong contingent spectator 'staches. In fact, I would suggest that the Windsor-Guelph showdown was reciprocated in spectator 'staches. Nominees in this category included CIS alumni Dave Weston and Matt Hulse, mid-D bro Matt MacDonald, tri-dude Ian Donald and that-one-guy-from-Mac-who-wore-nothing-but-a-pair-of-very-revealing-white-split-seam-shorts-and-body-paint (not sure if his 'stache was that good, but Imma give him the shouts anyways for his ballsy outfit... I know how tough wearing underwear in the snow is).<br /><br />After much ado and head scratching, I have decided that the title of Spectator 'Stache of the Year goes to Matty 'Mac' MacDonald of the Gryphons, but only because he looked like a less musically talented version of Freddy Mercury. Ya'll can probably understand how I feel about Freddy Mercury.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Bowling for Soup Award</span><br />If you don't get this reference, it's probably because you were much cooler than me in the year 2002 (most people, really). Anyways, this award goes to the individual whose mustache attempt was the most abysmal and embarrassing.<br /><br />Unfortunately, I didn't keep any close tabs on this one. I am blind to mediocrity. Feel free to call out a friend (or perhaps yourself) in the comments section for this one.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rookie of the Year</span><br />One might expect the pickings in this category to be rather slim (pun probably intended), but this year's crop of rookies definitely stood up to the challenge. For example, actual rookie of the year Aaron Hendrikx of Guelph was seen sporting what I like to call the Chad Kroeger (look at <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/phototempo/6342256038/in/photostream">this</a> photograph). Frankly, I find Chad Kroeger to be rather frightening, so I'm not quite sure what that means in terms of Hendrikx's standing. I'm more into what I like to call the Magnum PI-dadstache (please don't mention anything about the Electra complex, that's awkward). Boisvert and Cassidy also deserve honourable mentions for their respective lumberjack beards.The award for rookie of the year however (in my books at least) goes to Dylan Haight of Victoria. Was it because his 'stache was substantially better? Not particularly. Was it because he ran heroically over the killing ground of at least one of my ancestors (weird fact)? Not especially. No friends, the reason that Haight receives the rookie honour is because he told me he was a fan. Moral of the story? Brown-nosing trumps hard work and perseverance every time.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Team Title</span><br />This category was relatively easy to decide upon. While strong showings were put in by Guelph, Victoria and Regina, the clear champ was obviously Windsor. If you can't take home the big prize, you gotta go for the next-best-thing. Or as I would put it, if you have to be the bridesmaid, you gotta looks so faboo in that fugly dress that the bride will worry about a runaway groom. To each their own, I suppose. Anyways, the Lancers showed unassailable depth and coherency (Walters, Janikowski, Berkis, Aguanno, Falk) that could not be matched by any other team. Kudos... I think.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Individual Champion</span><br />This is the one you've all been waiting for, I can feel it. With last year's overwhelming champ, Kelly Wiebe of Regina out of the picture, the field was wide open (reference to the Plains probably intended). Nominees in this category include Childs of UVic, Lecours of Guelph, Ikram of Laurier, Denault of TO, and basically the entire Lancer team. But like, who won? Much like the rookie of the year category, the decision-making process was somewhat suspect. Luckily, this isn't the 2002 pairs freeskate Olympic final, so no one actually cares. The actual winner is none other than Matt Walters of the Lancers (anonymous blog commenter will be pleased). Why? He kept yelling something at me, but like that Barbara Streisand song was on so I couldn't understand shit all. So naturally I assumed that he wanted me to write something about him in my blog. Isn't that every male runner's greatest fantasy?<br /><br />That is all. If you want me, I'll be nervously awaiting my inevitable nomination for the Pulitzer Prize.<br /><br />EDIT: I received a rather nasty threat from a Mr. Kieran Doyle, stating that if I didn't mention him somewhere in this post he would refuse to wear split-seam shorts ever again. I don't really know who this guy thinks he is, but I truly believe that the world could be improved by an increase in the old split-seam. I suppose his filthy handlebar mustache was decent too.<br /><br />Also: I'm going suffer the delusion that I am more affluent than I had imagined by pretending that <a href="http://reidcoolsaet.com/2011/11/30/movember-awards/">this</a> is not a coincidence.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-61816462012056815362011-10-28T22:46:00.003-04:002011-10-28T22:51:08.681-04:00Episode 150: This is not the content you are looking for<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7gSJQ2QkkrQ/TqtpVEdXPoI/AAAAAAAAAU0/YV0rCIjzHKc/s1600/trin00b.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 343px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7gSJQ2QkkrQ/TqtpVEdXPoI/AAAAAAAAAU0/YV0rCIjzHKc/s400/trin00b.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5668740366670970498" border="0" /></a><br />Saw the guy a day later in the pool, easy kick outstripped his free, sups awk, wonder if he noticed?<br /><br />Sub-optimal quality complaints? I have an infinite number of excuses, so don't bother.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-2026418521452355772011-10-26T20:39:00.004-04:002011-11-08T19:49:36.843-05:00Episode 149: This is an episode.Of madness.<br /><br />But in all seriousness, I might post some reasonable content in a couple of days once I get my shit together. Sorry for my absence to all the true fans out there (nope, didn't think so).<br /><br />But for now, I am making a request: nominees.<br /><br />Nominees for what?<br /><br />Mustache supremacy. That's right... you see where this is going. If not, well then my upcoming post will just give you that much more excitement.<br /><br />So please, send me* the names (and possibly photographic evidence... the Flying Spaghetti Monster only knows how much I like that sort of thing) of those who you feel best (or perhaps worst) represent the filth that is Movember/CIS. Please consider the following categories**:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">AUS ("out East", lobsters)<br />RSEQ (Quebec-land, poutine)<br />OUA (Centre of the Universe, suburbia)<br />CanWest (Left of Thunder Bay, dragons???)<br />Rookie of the Year<br /><br /><br /></span><br />*acceptable means include in person, blog comments, 3:30 AM drunk telephone calls, or pigeon carriers.<br />**not an exhaustive list; I don't like to show my cards.<br /><br />EDIT: I am incapable of getting my shit together; expect a report on this after the event...Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-55726747011990498662011-10-15T14:44:00.002-04:002011-10-15T15:00:35.756-04:00Episode 148: This is not an episode.Sometimes I refer to people in my head by their TnF usernames. Sometimes I'm tempted to externalize these aberrations, but don't because simply put, I've forgotten to be awesome. Seems like I've been forgetting a lot these days... <br /><br />Anyways, sincere (or at least, as sincere as a cat like me can offer) thanks to the random spectator who did <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> forget to be awesome this Saturday. I don't know who you are, but you significantly improved my morale (in a rather sorry state at the time).Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-57636629282670970762011-07-30T10:44:00.003-04:002011-07-30T10:49:16.317-04:00Episode 147: For everything there is a season<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-leOgR62bzt4/TjQZCfhVRLI/AAAAAAAAAUs/NZ1AC9Ur1hI/s1600/rationals.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 133px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-leOgR62bzt4/TjQZCfhVRLI/AAAAAAAAAUs/NZ1AC9Ur1hI/s400/rationals.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5635156564359070898" border="0" /></a><br />Does this mean my retirement is over? No. I just felt that it would be a crime against humanity to not create this cartoon.<br /><br />If you do not understand it, it may be because you failed grade 9 math.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-44161432047628639012011-07-24T20:29:00.007-04:002011-08-02T08:05:57.202-04:00Episode 146: Beer Mile Race ReportAfter being asked to summarize my beer mile experience, it is inevitable that I must call upon the veritable fountain of quotations that is well, myself. If that sounded at all, in any way like the words of someone who has some shred of self-esteem, do not be taken in; the quotes I am speaking of are rarely wise, rarely funny, but rather, pithy and ironic.<br /><br />Example:<br />"Beer... never fucking again."<br /><br />These were my main thoughts while downing my fourth can of Sleeman original draught. Why Sleeman's? 'Cause it's brewed in Guelph, aka the running mecca of the Great White North, which as I would know all too well being the avid track "fan" (I use the term liberally here) that I am.<br /><br />Anyways, after that beer I defaulted to anti-vomiting mode and thought no more, probably closed in like 2:00 or something godawful like that, dodging puke all down the back straight (not mine obvi... when Speedgoggles uses anti-vomit mode, it's super effective). The main reason I did not want to vomit is probably not what you think, however. I was not that I was worried about having to do a penalty lap... it was because I realized that I would have to drink even more beer, which I had already vowed to not do.<br /><br />Some vows, however are made to be broken, because the remnants of that six pack were certainly not going downtown with me (insert joke about six packs and beer guts here).<br /><br />My time was like somewhere north of 9, but well south of 10 minutes, third overall female (I'm female?!!?). Ack. The main thing I will take away from my first beer mile is that I probably should have followed my training guide; specifically the parts about practicing running with carbonation and chugging. My excuse is this: as an avid wine drinker I am ill-practiced at those kinds of things.<br /><br /><br />Anyways, for all the creeps out there, here are photos which prove I am a real fictional person.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2Hn5D7D7Pr4/Tiy_Z-nP4TI/AAAAAAAAAUU/ELDkIcBWQlk/s1600/beer%2Bmile1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2Hn5D7D7Pr4/Tiy_Z-nP4TI/AAAAAAAAAUU/ELDkIcBWQlk/s400/beer%2Bmile1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633087686958899506" border="0" /></a>Obviously before the race started.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a22EQO2vAoA/Tiy_x2zdKeI/AAAAAAAAAUc/8pfKdQKUYqI/s1600/beer%2Bmile%2B3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a22EQO2vAoA/Tiy_x2zdKeI/AAAAAAAAAUc/8pfKdQKUYqI/s400/beer%2Bmile%2B3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633088097179478498" border="0" /></a>At least I'm not trying to waft the beer...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6bcUIgSy5Uw/TizBI2I8DZI/AAAAAAAAAUk/kuauLaweq_I/s1600/beer%2Bmile%2B2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6bcUIgSy5Uw/TizBI2I8DZI/AAAAAAAAAUk/kuauLaweq_I/s400/beer%2Bmile%2B2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633089591649766802" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Beer no. 2 or 3 or that number of months preggo... after this the pics got too greasy for even me to post.<br /><br />After this debauchery took place, many fine liquor establishments were terrorized by some crazy bitch wearing only underwear and a purple wig. I even encountered someone I creeper added on facebook who recognized me. This, like most of the surreal experiences of my existence resulted in the interior monologue, "Shit don't phase."<br /><br />Over and out for realz this time,<br />Speedy G.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-48798270245944833892011-07-21T19:43:00.003-04:002011-07-21T19:59:51.738-04:00Episode 145: RetirementYou knew it was coming.<br /><br />Employment was the final nail in the coffin. Speedgoggles' primary characteristic was unemployment. And futility.<br /><br />Don't worry, the futility still applies.<br /><br />Having achieved most of the primary directives initially set at the outset of operation speedgoggles, I feel that it is time for me to hang up the purple wig before it gets awkward and sad, like the third Spiderman movie.<br /><br />Do you feel like a piece of your childhood has died? Didn't think so. Anyways, there's still room for one last stand - a victory lap if you will: the beer mile (and inevitable consequences...) which I alluded to in the Jack Daniel's post. Don't worry, I'll post the evidence.<br /><br />And what were those directives? Classified.<br /><br />-Speedgoggles... out.<br /><br />PS. If you think I'm joshing and that I will inevitably come crawling back here, you're probably right. I'm that kind of guy.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-62346070203337407202011-07-18T12:19:00.004-04:002011-07-19T12:27:21.706-04:00Episode 144: Culture ClashThanks Globe, I've always been looking to expand my audience in the yuppie/WASP category.<br /><br />May scan later...<br /><br />EDIT: I'm too lazy to scan... if you were too lazy to go take a peek at the Globe, there was an article about running forums, TnF gots the shout.<br /><br />There was also an article saying that I should wear bike shorts under my skirt when I commute to work... joke's on you Globe, everyone's seen me in my underwear.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-20300121518441257892011-07-12T12:23:00.003-04:002011-07-12T12:28:02.150-04:00Episode 144: The twits<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-itENh6JhPys/Thx1URgeQzI/AAAAAAAAAUM/vRT-Q2-vN9I/s1600/Picture%2B7.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 180px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-itENh6JhPys/Thx1URgeQzI/AAAAAAAAAUM/vRT-Q2-vN9I/s400/Picture%2B7.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5628502625463714610" border="0" /></a><br />I gots 'em.<br /><br />No guys really, this is me. Your mind=blown, your innocence=devastated, your faith in humanity=decimated.<br /><br />Etc.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-61908580629986863102011-07-06T20:57:00.003-04:002011-07-06T22:29:01.658-04:00Episode 143: The day, it has been seenSo back in April I did a wee bit of a race report. Today, I bring you another bloggerly staple: the music blog. I never thought I'd see the day...<br /><br />Disdain.<br /><br />In this edition of Blinded by Speed, I will not attempt to impress you with how fresh and cool my beats are, but rather how encyclopedic, clever and ironic I am (read embarrassing 80s tunes). Let's be real kids, being cool is passe (or in my case, negative). Being overbearing and patronizing is so much better.<br /><br />It's also much easier to do in your mother's basement tip tapping on the ordinateur.<br /><br />Rest assured that youtube will still be raped.<br /><br />And so... we have...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Speedgoggle's fave creepin' tuneskis</span><br /><br />Obviously.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mFerLNdpwO4?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mFerLNdpwO4?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />So many of Blondie's songs are tinged with 'I go through your trash for funsies' type sentiments.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2osmbLA2DE?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b2osmbLA2DE?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="640"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />Looks like some weirdo got to doing a homemade music vid for this one before I did... sad.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hIs5StN8J-0?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hIs5StN8J-0?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />A work that transcends all.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lcOxhH8N3Bo?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lcOxhH8N3Bo?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />Speedos? Schoolboys? Am I Bonnie Tyler?<br /><br /><object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/V5bYDhZBFLA?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/V5bYDhZBFLA?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="640"></embed></object><br /><br />I once made alternate lyrics to this song... please never ask me to repeat them.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0_Pq0xYr3L4?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0_Pq0xYr3L4?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="640"></embed></object><br /><br />Songs pertaining to running always taken literally.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dQw4w9WgXcQ?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dQw4w9WgXcQ?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />I enjoy being rickrolled more than the average internet user.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qyKjaS3mn60?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qyKjaS3mn60?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="640"></embed></object><br /><br />Begs the question, what is this, I don't even.<br /><br /><object height="390" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oOg5VxrRTi0?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oOg5VxrRTi0?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="390" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />Yehaaaahhh.<br /><br /><br />Ok, looks like I've reached my quota for self-hatred.<br /><br />Fin.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-61598436093657209842011-07-02T12:28:00.003-04:002012-01-09T21:07:48.499-05:00Episode 142: Comic sansassin<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_6lWsHqxj94/Tg9HUAChJJI/AAAAAAAAAUE/3X8WIOjMwpg/s1600/type.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 132px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_6lWsHqxj94/Tg9HUAChJJI/AAAAAAAAAUE/3X8WIOjMwpg/s400/type.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624792868542555282" border="0" /></a><br />It's funny because the type in the cartoon is sans-serif.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-49020063067704776162011-06-28T21:44:00.005-04:002011-06-29T14:48:45.602-04:00Episode 141: Comisssh-shun<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8rfx39anajU/TgqDn60KcPI/AAAAAAAAAT8/p0p700AEX2g/s1600/periodization.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 259px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8rfx39anajU/TgqDn60KcPI/AAAAAAAAAT8/p0p700AEX2g/s400/periodization.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623451806551666930" border="0" /></a><br />This piece, as the blog title suggests, was a commission. What that really means is that I was not cool enough to think of this idea. No one would be stupid enough to pay me to act out their deepest, darkest Paintbrush image alteration fantasies...<br /><br />Moving on... to a token life related note: no, I am not dead, just dead inside. Why is that? I blame the overuse of my 'normal people' functioning mode. What is that? That is fancy talk for when I avoid communicating via animal noises and try to believe wholeheartedly that underwear does not constitute proper attire. It is so wearing.<br /><br />What is the meaning of this nonsense? It means that I am no longer funemployed. So say good-bye to sarcasm of the daily and moping variety, and hello to sarcasm of the snide, hateful and sporadic variety.<br /><br />That is all, please continue with your previously scheduled internet shenans.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-68090483342672524502011-06-17T16:00:00.003-04:002011-06-17T21:13:44.565-04:00Episode 140: Murphy's Law<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N0pVVfe08CY/Tfuyk88wxlI/AAAAAAAAAT0/hcYkWwZRQYw/s1600/tp.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 319px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N0pVVfe08CY/Tfuyk88wxlI/AAAAAAAAAT0/hcYkWwZRQYw/s400/tp.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619281307980842578" border="0" /></a><br />Unrelated story: this one time I proposed marriage to someone while they were racing, then I ended up accidentally throwing an apple core at them. How does one accidentally throw an apple core at someone? Beats me, all I know is that is what happened.<br /><br />And no, I have never even spoken to this person on the internets, much less in real life. Some might say that is awkward, I say it is hilarious.Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5475567202004845322.post-27190601602172066842011-06-10T22:15:00.007-04:002011-06-11T13:10:48.403-04:00Episode 139: Jack Daniels' Running Formula*I have been meaning to do a post in this vein for many moons, but the opportunity simply had not presented itself... until now. Yes, ladies (?) and gentlemen, I give you my fail-proof** beer mile training guide.<br /><br />[Why this, why now? I'm doing a beer mile in the near future. Unfortunately, the events of the last year place me in a position where the former poses less of a problem than the latter. I know. No mile speed. This is never a good situation if one is a runner, and will likely result in poor results all round.]<br /><br />Anyways, let's get started.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Base phase</span><br /><br />As with any solid training program, you want to start with a good base. If you do not have a good base, you will not be able to reach the upper echelons of beer mile supremacy.<br /><br />So what does this "base phase" consist of, I hear you ask. Long slow runs, with long slow water breaks. At this time in the game, it is important to get your stomach to adapt to the <span style="font-style: italic;">volume</span>. Volume of <span style="font-style: italic;">liquid</span>. Cool your bottle openers (or... teeth?) alkies! 'Tis not the time for beer consumption [yet].<br /><br />To aid with this adaption, quantity must be stressed over quality. That means you should take small water stops and progress slowly towards larger water stops. Do not worry too much about the time between water stops in the base phase. By the end of the base phase, you should be able to <span style="font-style: italic;">stomach</span> 500 mL of water per stop.<br /><br />Another important aspect of the base phase is continuous, slow consumption of beer separate from running. Maintain this light load throughout the training block to yield optimal results.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Strength phase</span><br /><br />So now that your body has adapted to the ills of sloshing, it is time to work on your <span style="font-style: italic;">strength</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">Gag reflex strength</span>. During this phase, you will attempt to adapt to the inevitable carbonation of the beverage you will consume in the heat of competition. This, aside from the base phase, is probably the most important of all the phases. Failure to comply may result in <span style="font-style: italic;">injury</span> to your spirit due to penalty lap caused by your <span style="font-style: italic;">weak</span> resolve.<br /><br />The mainstay of the strength phase is to consume carbonated beverages such as pop or soda water during intervals. In the beginning of the strength phase, intervals should be longer and volumes of carbonated beverage should be <span style="font-style: italic;">over-volume</span>. As you near the end of the strength phase, you should move towards less volume, both in liquid and interval length. Steering towards canned beverages in this latter part of the phase will also prepare you for the next phase...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Speed/Specific Training Phase</span><br /><br />Yes friends(?!), now is the time to start cracking the cold ones. Intervals with beer. This is the time to experiment with different brands (trying new things on race days is for n00bs, as I am sure you are aware).<br /><br />To get the most out of your training, you should also do some chugging drills, including practicing the run-up to the transition zone and precision beer tab opening.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sharpening/Tapering Phase</span><br /><br />Ok. All the hay is in the barn. The beer is in the fridge. All systems are go.<br /><br />Now is the time to practice your chugging, and keeping your reflexes fresh. 3-4 days out from the competition, you should practice chugging a couple of beers in quick succession - only as many as feel good, you don't want to strain yourself. From this point forth, you will go dry. You are now into the taper. As tempting as it may seem, it would be silly and wasteful to blow your load the night before the race.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Race day</span><br /><br />Give 'em hell, believe in your training, all that crap. You will be a champion. If not, <s>your mother still loves you</s> uh, I guess you're not a complete failure.<br /><br />So there you have it: the first (as far as I know) beer mile training guide.<br /><br /><br />* The beverage, not the guy, silly. It should be noted that Jack Daniels is not an appropriate beverage for a standard beer mile according to <a href="http://www.beermile.com/faq.beer#rules">teh internetz</a>.<br />** Method has yet to be tested by author, but sounds good theoretically. What could possibly go wrong?Speedgoggleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08151735644982564590noreply@blogger.com0