Episode 62: FAQ = Facts?

I was recently assaulted with a very long, very probing PM on TnF from a certain user about whom I blogged yesterday. Rather than posting this on the forum and risking being hit with the "ban stick" I have decided to post my responses here.

FAQ

Who are you?
That is for me to know and you to find out.

Are you a man or a woman?
The answer to this doesn't make me more or less creepy. Eventually you will find out if your assumption was correct.

Do you live in Eastern Ontario?
Why would I tell you where I live? Are you going to look up my house on google earth and camp out outside my bedroom window with binoculars? Have I made a cartoon about doing that yet?

Are you actually a runner, or just some fatty who lives vicariously through stalking fast people?
I am a runner... sedentary people aren't affected by speedgoggles. Trust me. I've tried to explain it to people.

What brand of running shoe do you prefer?
I sleep around, if you know what I mean.

Snowboots or spikes for a race?
What kind of question is this? Are you trying to determine if I am from the North?

Have you been in a situation where you have been concerned for the health of one of the runners around you, because you were unsure if you could contain yourself and would potentially harm them emotionally and possibly physically?
I am not a sparkly vampire, I can control myself. How else could I have remained undiscovered for so long?

Do you enjoy being searched for?
The answer should be self-evident. I live for the chase.

Are you a pedofile?
No. I am creepy, not gross.

Do you actually have a pair of "googles" (or sunglasses) that you wear while stalking at meets that you use to 'covertly' people watch?
Of course. I suggest you buy a pair yourself.

Are you ever going to actually reveal yourself?
That will be half the fun.