The good news: you survived!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Episode 62: Of barking and trees
The wrong trees. They are being barked at... but all the better for your friend Speedgoggles.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Episode 61.5: An interesting development...
Someone* made me a fan page.
At this point, the plot has reached the consistency of molasses.
Here is a question, which TnF user Yogenfruzz failed to ask, but probably should, have since the real answer is actually quite funny:
Who came up with this "Speedgoggles" nonsense?
Someone surprisingly well-adjusted and mature (evidently not me).
*judging by the schizophrenic nature of the creator's syntax, I'd guess TnF user Yogenfruzz.
At this point, the plot has reached the consistency of molasses.
Here is a question, which TnF user Yogenfruzz failed to ask, but probably should, have since the real answer is actually quite funny:
Who came up with this "Speedgoggles" nonsense?
Someone surprisingly well-adjusted and mature (evidently not me).
*judging by the schizophrenic nature of the creator's syntax, I'd guess TnF user Yogenfruzz.
Episode 62: FAQ = Facts?
I was recently assaulted with a very long, very probing PM on TnF from a certain user about whom I blogged yesterday. Rather than posting this on the forum and risking being hit with the "ban stick" I have decided to post my responses here.
FAQ
Who are you?
That is for me to know and you to find out.
Are you a man or a woman?
The answer to this doesn't make me more or less creepy. Eventually you will find out if your assumption was correct.
Do you live in Eastern Ontario?
Why would I tell you where I live? Are you going to look up my house on google earth and camp out outside my bedroom window with binoculars? Have I made a cartoon about doing that yet?
Are you actually a runner, or just some fatty who lives vicariously through stalking fast people?
I am a runner... sedentary people aren't affected by speedgoggles. Trust me. I've tried to explain it to people.
What brand of running shoe do you prefer?
I sleep around, if you know what I mean.
Snowboots or spikes for a race?
What kind of question is this? Are you trying to determine if I am from the North?
Have you been in a situation where you have been concerned for the health of one of the runners around you, because you were unsure if you could contain yourself and would potentially harm them emotionally and possibly physically?
I am not a sparkly vampire, I can control myself. How else could I have remained undiscovered for so long?
Do you enjoy being searched for?
The answer should be self-evident. I live for the chase.
Are you a pedofile?
No. I am creepy, not gross.
Do you actually have a pair of "googles" (or sunglasses) that you wear while stalking at meets that you use to 'covertly' people watch?
Of course. I suggest you buy a pair yourself.
Are you ever going to actually reveal yourself?
That will be half the fun.
FAQ
Who are you?
That is for me to know and you to find out.
Are you a man or a woman?
The answer to this doesn't make me more or less creepy. Eventually you will find out if your assumption was correct.
Do you live in Eastern Ontario?
Why would I tell you where I live? Are you going to look up my house on google earth and camp out outside my bedroom window with binoculars? Have I made a cartoon about doing that yet?
Are you actually a runner, or just some fatty who lives vicariously through stalking fast people?
I am a runner... sedentary people aren't affected by speedgoggles. Trust me. I've tried to explain it to people.
What brand of running shoe do you prefer?
I sleep around, if you know what I mean.
Snowboots or spikes for a race?
What kind of question is this? Are you trying to determine if I am from the North?
Have you been in a situation where you have been concerned for the health of one of the runners around you, because you were unsure if you could contain yourself and would potentially harm them emotionally and possibly physically?
I am not a sparkly vampire, I can control myself. How else could I have remained undiscovered for so long?
Do you enjoy being searched for?
The answer should be self-evident. I live for the chase.
Are you a pedofile?
No. I am creepy, not gross.
Do you actually have a pair of "googles" (or sunglasses) that you wear while stalking at meets that you use to 'covertly' people watch?
Of course. I suggest you buy a pair yourself.
Are you ever going to actually reveal yourself?
That will be half the fun.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Episode 61: Will the real speedgoggles please stand up?
I neither confirm or deny any TnF allegations at this time.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Episode 60: Who blogs at 12:30 AM on a Sunday?
Sad, lonely insomniacs is who.
But on to more pressing issues... like my inevitable presence at Ofsaa XC this year (don't even bother looking, I'll be in stealth mode).
I'm going to have to do some very bad things to get to Ofsaa this year. Nothing illegal, just bad. I can't tell you the specifics, but I can offer a couple of suggestions if you feel the content of my blog has slipped in the past couple of weeks (it has).
1) Hitchhike to Etobicoke. Best-case scenario: get picked up by some sexy EOSSA team.
2) Actually run fast enough to qualify.
3) Quit my POS unjob.
4) Convince my parents that it's okay to let me out of my solitary confinement cell.
5) Convince the local authorities that it's okay for me to leave the town limits and that my deer cartoon was just a joke (it was... kind of).
But on to more pressing issues... like my inevitable presence at Ofsaa XC this year (don't even bother looking, I'll be in stealth mode).
I'm going to have to do some very bad things to get to Ofsaa this year. Nothing illegal, just bad. I can't tell you the specifics, but I can offer a couple of suggestions if you feel the content of my blog has slipped in the past couple of weeks (it has).
1) Hitchhike to Etobicoke. Best-case scenario: get picked up by some sexy EOSSA team.
2) Actually run fast enough to qualify.
3) Quit my POS unjob.
4) Convince my parents that it's okay to let me out of my solitary confinement cell.
5) Convince the local authorities that it's okay for me to leave the town limits and that my deer cartoon was just a joke (it was... kind of).
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Episode 59: A "speedy" entry
I've been meaning to compile this list for a while.
Dictionary* entries that start with "Speed"
speed bag
speed bump
speed dating
speed-dial
speed hump
speed limit
speed merchant
speed read
speed skating
speed trap
speed-up
speedball
speedboat
speedo
speedometre
speedster
speedway
speedwell
speedwriter
I will misuse many of the words in puns, probably soon.
*actual dictionary, like your Grandmother would use for Scrabble.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Episode 58: Short and Bittersweet
I have become a victim of my own success.
If I were an indie band I'd say I had become too mainstream. It's not really the same thing at all though because I don't have any ideals to contradict.
Don't worry though kids (adults too perhaps?) the fat lady hasn't sung yet.
If I were an indie band I'd say I had become too mainstream. It's not really the same thing at all though because I don't have any ideals to contradict.
Don't worry though kids (adults too perhaps?) the fat lady hasn't sung yet.
Monday, September 6, 2010
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