Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Episode 158: Muchachos & Mustachios (Edition V, 2015)

This year’s Mustache Report is dedicated to every soul (all six of you!) that held the delusional belief that I would somehow materialize atop the precarious steps leading to the fabled Brass Taps (where I once iced a professor). Blessed be your innocence, for it has revived me.

Now that we’ve got all that sentimental crap out of the way, I’ll be scraping through this distance ed final like only I know how: through the magic of the internet google machine and all its glorious repositories. As all now hopefully realize, since hitchhiking and hobo-ing my way leftwards to seek my fortunes earlier this year (namely picking through random trash cans in Swift Current, SK/hiding in bushes at Jericho Beach), the rainbow connection that is the internet is all that binds me to the CIS/society in general.

And so let it begin, the The Annual Mustache Report, Edition V (foreshadowing?).

Spectator of the Year

Unfortunately I did not happen upon many spectator photos, and nothing seemed to catch the eyes of my ominipresent little birds on the day, so I’m going to with the default winner here: Jeff Mountjoy. This guy’s won this award four times, and judging by the early AM inebriated Snap I received from him, I shouldn’t be the one to deny him of this one pleasure (cleaning face paint/bodily fluids out of his beard for weeks). 
Tricolour feat "Go X'? Wat? (photo: Maxine Gravina)
A dedicated look. (photo: Maxine Gravina)

Bowling for Soup Award

In years past I’ve had trouble with this award as I tend to focus my obsessions on those with fine facial hair. This year however, I witnessed a few terrible (yet great) attempts. One can only presume that with the growing popularity of the XC ‘stache (note, never ‘stachies at nashies,’ this is Canada), this was the inevitable result. E’rybody wants to be a contender but some, inevitably, are just pretenders.

Luckily, since I am a noted schadenfreude enthusiast, there’s an award for failure. But don’t be too hard on yourselves boys, many of our past award winners have gone on to claim major brass in later years (if you start with the bar low it is easier to improve).

With that, I award Chris Balestrini of the Mustangs the Bowling for Soup Award for a great dirtstache.

Cringey, I love it. (photo: Cross-Country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

In the runner-up position (up to you to decide whether that means “less bad” or just “worse, but in a less embarrassing manner”), we have Connor Black of the Gryphs. Not sure if there was anything there or not or if the lighting in the photos I looked at was just weird. At any rate, he’s a young lad, lots of time to grow here.
There's something, I'm sure of it. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

Rookie of the Year

In the inaugural edition of this here report, I gave this award to a rookie sporting the Chad Kroeger from the Guelph. Four years later, I give this same award to a similar rookie, but this time his name is Ben Workman. I’ve kind of run out of Chad Kroeger jokes at this point, so you’ll have to forgive me.

Nice work... for a rook. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

It is perhaps to be noted that my ROY award has a pretty good track record (Hendrickx, Labranche, Wilkie). And, it’s like every time I turn around I fall in love and find my heart face down and where it lands is where it should, y’know? (I was just kidding about the Chad Kroeger joke thing, so much so that I spent 20 minutes watching Nickelback videos to get a line I could work with).

Most Improved

Speaking of low bars and improving, it's time for the Most Improved Award. The winner here had a ‘stache last year, but it didn’t really speak to me, despite our having matched on Tinder. This year’s edition seemed a bit more substantial, so I’mma throw the dub to Scott Donald of St FX. I mean, that and I’m trying to cling to relevancy by  expanding my fading fan club empire into the AUS (is it still 1980 there?).

Super like material? (photo: Cal DeWolfe's mom or something)

The runner-up in this category is some dude I’ve never heard of. It’s quite possible that he had a great ‘stache last year or his entire life or whatever, but he was dead to me until appearing in the race photos, so he might as well not have. Had he been more known to me, Patrique Bulloch of Manitoba might have been a contender for the overall prize. I’ll admit this doesn’t make much sense, but that (your success being dependent on whether or not I’ve had enough time to develop a decidedly unhealthy obsession with you) is just how it is.

Shoot, eh? (photo: Peter Grinbergs)

Beardo Award

Janikowski wins this one with his old man beard as he did last year and the year before. Could be a lumberjack, could be a serial killer, could be both. But since he’s from Windsor, I’m going with serial killer. It’s just them mesmerizing blue eyes that'll do ya in.
Terrifying... for Trees (or not as it turns out) (photo: Maxine Gravina)

Flowtastic Award
In the hunt for mid-November, it is always important to consider that there is likely to be a hefty breeze when considering your hair options. For some, that might mean restraining one’s locks with a hair tie or headband, but for those with more important aspirations (aesthetics, attracting off-centre purple wig-wearing individuals), there is no question about what is to be done: nothing.

Congrats to Elliot DeLange of the Golden Hawks for his golden, shiny hairs and #longhairdontcare attitude.
But, what if he does care??? (photo: Peter Grinbergs)

Community Service Award

My personal value system put me in a serious conundrum with regard to the principle of this award. I know, it’s shocking, I do have values and principles. See the thing is, I really wanted to give the winner of this award the overall title, because his effort was simply the best. However, my aesthetic principles dictates that the winner of the overall title adhere to traditional stylistic rules. They say rules are made to be broken, but like, nah, because this is my party and I'll make unreasonable choices if I want to.

And so, with my most sincere condolences, I award JD Labranche the Community Service Award. May his beautiful example of sheer confidence provide inspiration to rock that Jack Sparrow face fur thing.

Why is the rum all gone??? (photo Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

In the vein of fictional historic figures, the runner-up in this category happens to be Alexandre “Lincoln Vampire Hunter” Ricard. If I had a bit more of a soul, I’d have worried mine had been stolen through the camera lens.
History remembers the battle but forgets the blood. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

Team Title

If you’re the type of person to use magical thinking to connect unrelated events, you might say that my relocation was the cause of some significant unrest in the CIS order of things. I mean think about it…the beginning of the Guelph streak (fall 2006) was the time of my birth so to speak, so it would seem that the men's banner has ever since been dictated solely by my approximate physical location. This might have less to do with magical thinking  and more to do with increased easy run pace necessitated by training within my firing range, though.

But race be damned, in this here blog, the order of things is a bit different: I’m seeing the continuation of a streak. That’s right, not only did the UVic Vikes win the actual race, they also won the Team Mustache Title, repeating their result from 2014.

They not only had a 6/7 participation rate, but dang, these mustaches were on fleek. So much so that it made me regret not being there in person (so I could get handsy during the team celly huddle).

Is polyandry legal? (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

Another team that presented well, as per usual was Laval. They had sort of a Community Service theme going on with their team, which I definitely dig, but lost out to Vic on two fronts. First, there was the actual race performance (mustaches + fast = profit?!!), but more importantly, I was kind of upset that I received no incoherent, broken English communications. Laval, you use to call me on my cell phone, late night when you needed my opinion on your hairs, late night when you needed to update me on whatever club you were devastating.

#hotlinebling (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

Finally, rounding out the top three team we have another perennial contender: Windsor. Nothing too special here (except maybe Ullman’s nasty chin strap), just a solid group of blue collar ‘staches. Good work boys.
A solid effort as always. (photo: Zack Jones)

Individual Champion

The one you’ve all been waiting for: the individual title. And believe me, some people other than myself have been waiting for this individual for some time as well. After years of increasingly spurious WEBB IS BACK BABY!!!!!!!-esque threads, our individual champ finally got to come into his own as the athlete we remember him to be (French sub-4 dude, very pretty). Madd props to Olivier Collin for busting out a clutch race with a clutch face.

Still with the backwards ball cap tho... (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

A bit further back in the rankings we see some other notable ‘staches as well. Up in 2nd, we have last year’s Flowtastic Award winner, Guelph’s Andrew Gordon, werking that ratchet (as in pass me one) handlebar.

Pink arm warmers, nice. (photo: Cross-country et Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

In the the third position, we have Adam Marshall of TWU. He was sporting a timeless, classic mustache to absolute perfection. 
This 'stache is meat and potatoes (I am potato). (photo: Peter Grinbergs)

And that’s it folks, there isn’t any more. Please remember to file your comments, complaints and restraining order requests in person to me on the evening of November 28th, appended with an adult pop processing fee.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Episode 157: Muchachos & Mustachios (2014 Edition)

Hello friends, and welcome to the 4th annual edition of "Ye Olde Speedgoggles Mustache Blog," as I hear it is referred to by the kids these days. When first I caught wind of the designation of the CIS XC championships to Memorial University, I felt a sense of duty to the people, the fans, to report with great acuity the hair-related goings-on on the Rock, lest they be able to experience it themselves. And truly, it (the race, the hairz) was one for the ages. As a result, I'll be going 0 to 100, real quick.

Without further ado or apology (for very much intended puns), here it is:

Spectator of the Year

Sometimes winning is just showing up. And when showing up is flying half-way to actual #YOLOndon, only to indecently expose yourself in the name of party attendance, well then, I don't know what else winning could be. So, to Jeff Mountjoy, 2013 Spectator of the Year, and his kilt in the gael force winds, facepaint and tricolour flag go the 2014 honours. The question remains: can in Guelph for the 2015 champs Mountjoy achieve the Spectator three-peat?

A brave outfit with heart. (credit: Nicolas Morin)

However, often victory is not without support. It is in this spirit that I award the runner-up status to fellow Gaels alumnus Tyson Loney for his efforts. Didn't really have a mustache, but like, he painted one on so I guess that counts for something. I mean, what's more "college" than flying 2000+ km for a party? Definitely not driving 8 hours for a party, which is my current PB.

~*~*~tEaM sPiRiT~*~*~(credit: Nicolas Morin)

Bowling for Soup Award

I'll admit that my judgmentation of the mustache mediocrity was somewhat mired by flying detritus and live commenting excitation. There were however, a few pencil-thin "not sure if I've hit puberty yet" mustaches on the course that caught my attention.

Maybe it was the splits-seams in the hefty breeze, majestically blown dreads or the sizeable early lead that caught my attention, but the winner of this award is none other than TWU's Declan White. Fortune may favour the bold, but sometimes misfortune favours the bold moreso. Lawd knows I know that. Don't let the h8erz get you or your 'stache down, Declan.

I, uh, guess there's something there. (credit: Dustin Silvey)

Rookie of the Year

I'd practically started to believe that this here blog had started to have a verifiable social impact on the CIS cross-country world (my only real dream these days), and then the rookie class of 2018 goes and lets me down, hard. Do you have any idea how deep I had to go to find a rook who even kind of had a 'stache? It was a terrible, terrible shame.

Luckily la Belle Province didn't let me down et m'ont fourni avec a rook with stiff upper lip. So congrats to Gabriel Legaut of Laval, for restoring my faith in the young people. Vive la France (country of my dreams), etc.

I get older but rookies stay the saaame age. (credit: Athlétisme Rouge et Or)

Most Improved

Ah, the Most Improved category. My favourite. It's where I get to give men hope, only to let them down. My specialty.  I must say however, this year's winner impressed me; maybe it was the JFM, the sub-4 or maybe the tradition of his countrymen rubbing off, but Chuck P-T of Laval finally got to pull off that blonde 'stache (a difficult look) in his final year. Moving up from the "Bowling for Soup Award" in 2013 is an impressive feat, potentially only eclipsed by his alleged AP Snapchat game (maybe one day I'll be cool enough to be a recipient).

Zoom no longer required. (credit: Nicolas Morin)

Honourable mention in this category goes to Christian Gravel of Guelph, who also dared to defy his facial hair phenotype. Pure guts, glory.

This photo exemplifies why I find running such a sexy sport. (credit: Nicolas Morin)

Beardo Award

Though admittedly not really about the beard, I feel the time has come for a separate award, for those who dare the lumberjack/hipster/hobo style. This year's inaugural Beardo Award goes to Paul Janikowski of Windsor (previous Individual Award 'stache runner-up) for his impeccably groomed face fuzz.

Fierce, fearsome. Beard. (credit: Nicolas Morin)

But there was someone else. There often is. The mystery of the "other." The West. Though perhaps not as prolific as Jani's beard, Matt Johnson of Regina deserves a shout-out. 'Cause I did indeed shout out (and let it all out).

Sick gloves braj. (credit:  Nicolas Morin)

Flowtastic Mun Award

I'll be straight with y'all. I'm definitely about the flow. In honour of the host university (MUN, duh), I have decided to implement a fitting wildcard award: one for the best CIS mun. I mean, it was a practical wind machine out there, I'm not sure how I even contained myself.

Though the comp here was close, I'm going to have to give the edge to Andrew Gordini "the Love Genie" of Guelph, who sported both the mun and the 'stache. His assault was further strengthened by his claims that he had not washed his locks in several decades.

Just lovely. (credit: Guelph Gryphons T&F)

On the flip, baby smooth side, however, we have runner-up Dominique Aulagnon of Lakehead. When first I noticed that mun appear at the OUA championships, I was smitten. But I was looking for something more, and it was not quite enough. Next year, perhaps.

Beauty, grace. Mun. (credit: Alex Green)

Community Service Award

Giving back to one's community is important, which is why I continue to do this here report year after year (or so I've managed to convince myself).  But there are many ways to give back, and I believe that the promotion of dubious personal grooming is one of those modalities. I mean, who knows if you'll inspire some poor young man to step outside the rigidity of the standards of male beauty, making the world a weirder, more questionable place, where rat-tails, mullets and obscure dye-jobs are celebrated? One can only dream of such a utopia (and by one, I mean me, because I am the only one who dreams of that).

Er, anyways... when first I saw the eventual recipient, I wasn't sure what to do, such was my level of impressedness. The ensemble was flawless - a half-head of "I just went on a Jamaican cruise" beaded cornrows, a wispy mustache and beautifully coiffed flow to frame it all. Cody Therrien of UVic had it all. Even the sweatband.

Nip? Me lurking in bushes, showing my appreciation in clever disguise? This photo has it all.(credit Nicolas Morin)

Though I much appreciated the whimsy of Therrien's efforts, I feel that other, grittier efforts too deserve recognition. Sporting the ever-classic (with me at least) "just did a long haul with my rig, if you know what I mean" quasi-mullet/'stache combo, I award runner-up honours to Jordan Collison of Windsor, at whom I once threw an apple core after a failed mid-race proposal attempt. Oh, the formative years.

No acceptable race photo could be located, but my brain says it was something like this. (credit: Jordan Collison)

Team Title

Now we gettin' into the heavies. This year's team competition was difficult assess, presumably due to the spreading of my gospel (worrisome indeed), though my state during critical observation hours might have been a factor as well.  In my defense, I bring forth the words of celebrated lyricist Calvin Harris: "don't blame it on me, blame it on the night."

On the team front, it would appear that the Laval hair dynasty has started to wane, and that new powers have started to rise: the West. Assisted by a slew of award-worthy candidates and a number of solid mid-range performers, this year's team title goes to UVic, who boasted an impressive 7/8 'stache participation, with only rookie Weir bare up-top. Simplicity was the name of the game here, and the Vikes pulled it off impeccably, taking full advantage of that left coast hip style to which I am not-so-secretly partial.

So hip, so hype. (credit: Brent Fougner)

Additional impressive facial hair coherency on the western front was also demonstrated by Regina. Headlined by the one-two punch of Johnson and Strueby, this team also impressed (but maybe that's my cougar aspirations coming through).

[No picture, because apparently the Cougars were camera-shy this weekend]

On the other side of the universe, strong showings were also made by Windsor and St. FX. Nothing super special here, but respectable efforts nonetheless.

Decent I suppose. (credit: Cal DeWolfe's mom or something)
 (credit: Matt Travaglini)

Individual Title

Understated was the name of the game this year, with no flashy dye-jobs or haircuts taking my centre-stage this time 'round. I mean, you can't expect to obtain the same results year after year without trying something different (is this like, an Albert Einstein quote?). Well, at any rate, originality and spunk is key with me, no re-do's allowed.

Setting the stage, in the runner-up category, we have a few familiar faces, and a few new ones. Perennial contender, Olivier "Three Muskateers" Collin of the Vikes impressed (aided slightly this year by his lack of backwards cap shenanigans), as did Matt McNeil of Dal with his filthy handlebar display. Actual CIS champion Proudfoot of Guelph just missed out on the real prize, this year finally shying away from the dreaded Chad Kroeger (the style says thank you - for let[ting] me go).

 Nice work boiz. (credit: Nicolas Morin)

This year, once again, the big shebang goes out to the low-stick leader of the team champ - none other than Jackson Bocksnick of UVic. Though perhaps lacking the hype of some of the previous champs (or maybe it's just that I'm not hip enough for his insta), Bocksnick's 'stache managed to shine through the wind, hail and rain and whatever else St. John's decided to throw at him (a defrosting cod that had been around the block a few times too many). I personally had the honour of dissecting this beautiful specimen, and can officially report that its tips were waxed flawlessly as of ~12 AM NDT. That's dedication to the craft, that.

And it was even his birthday?!!!? omg (credit: Dustin Silvey)

Well folks, that's it for this most wonderful time of the year. If you need me, I'll be crying in a corner somewhere vaguely exclaiming "It's going down, I'm yelling Tinder!" in a futile attempt to regain meaning in my life.

Until we meet again, xoxo (so like, probably nevar)

Monday, November 11, 2013

Episode 156: Muchachos & Mustachios (2013 edition)

Welcome back friends, to the much anticipated, annual Mustache Report (I guess you could say it's now a "thing"). This year's edition will be bigger, more picture-y and possibly even better than last year's.

Possibly. I've still yet to receive word from the Pulitzer Prize committee. I suspect they have misplaced my address. I am not sure the bridge under which I live has been attributed a valid postal code.

Building of off my systematic process that proved so effective in '12 (cross-referencing IRL observations with photographic evidence and the all-knowing program guide), I have decided to share the wealth a bit more in terms of the runners-up this year. This is partly because picture-whoring randoms equals more blog hits, but also because the competition was as stiff as uh... nevermind.

I can only assume the field stepped up their game as a response to the spreading gospel of this blog. I accord such significance to my work humbly, of course. It's not easy riding the coat-tails of three-year-old messageboard infamy.

Now, without further ado, the gospel of the 'gogs:

Spectator of the Year

Sometimes the dedication to outrageous and notorious grease is mired by pesky notions such as "racing" and "performance optimization."  Simply put, there are just some accoutrements that cannot accompany the singlet and bib number, unless you are a complete dust-show or are running the Disney World marathon. And let's be real, Speedgoggles is interested in neither of those things.

Spectators, however, are free to #yolo. And the more #yolo, the better.

In that vein, first prize this year goes to Jeff Mountjoy, for his daring use of a) a filthy, filthy beard, b) liberal application of body paint, c) kilt (rescinded if underwear was worn) and d) flag-havingness. Very #yoloz (I am the #yolo king).

Photographic evidence was located, but I still stand by the prowess of my previous vocation.

Honourable mention/[not?] runner-up honours go to the Mac mascot dude. I don't know who you were, but them dance moves were madd fresssssh.

Shake ya tailfeather

Community Service Award

Four minute miles and five minute beer miles aside, it's pretty hard to impress me. When your daily wardrobe tends to include underwear, a purple wig and a trenchcoat, the standard against which eccentricity is measured is inevitably raised. I'm not really sure what the meaning of this award is, but I think that eccentricity is probably what it means. And in the realm of blogs about facial hair, I'm always right.

Last year's winner D. Haight disappointed, sporting well, not a filthy mullet. Minus 400! His 'stache was pretty good, but a 'stache just isn't enough for the Community Service Award. You have to want it, a plain ol' 'stache is kind of like thinking you should get Citizen of the Year because you held a door open for someone one time. Everyone does that. It's a nice gesture, but not a game changer.

However, a different Vike stepped up to fill the void. In fact, he stepped up so much that I kind of felt a bit violated by simply looking at his facial hair. That's saying something.

This year, the Community Service Award goes to none other than Ryan Cassidy, for the most gruesome viking beard I've ever seen, further accentuated by his shaven head. Yikes!

Resemblance to that terrifying Sim that I always made sociopathic and violent is striking.

S/O to Laurier Golden Hawk Adam Cornwall for sporting the lilac flow. He may not have sported a 'stache (that I could see), but I do appreciate a man that can pull off the purple hair. Maybe we're soulmates or something.

Is the purple-haired gene recessive?

(S/O to Peter Grinbergs for this photo)


Bowling For Soup Award

Mildly interesting story: I encountered someone yesterday who was aware of this reference, it was both heartening and disappointing, kind of like how I didn't end up dismembered or in a dumpster this past weekend.

I saw a few funnies out there this year, all of which blurred the lines (what rhymes with hug me?) between "funny on purpose" and "maybe people will think I'm being funny on purpose HAHA I HOPE THEY'RE LAUGHING WITH ME." That's the sort of confusion I stand for.

At any rate, the bad ol' Bowling For Soup Award goes to none other than Chuck P-T. It would seem that this fellow tried to learn from the mistakes of other blonde d00ds of questionable mustache growing power (see Evan Jager failstache discussion at the end of this interview) by going with the ol' JFM route.

The resulting Salvadore Dali creeper pencil 'stache was definitely a winner... of this award.

Zoom? Zoom plz?

Other honourable mentions for this award go to Maxime Lapierre, also reppin' Les Boys. I think he got into an accident with his shaver during a Jekyll & Hyde transition phase. Either that, or he had to make some sort of compromise with a lady friend and/or mother and decided to shave half of his face. Odd, very odd.

What is le going on here? Je ne comprends pas.
(S/O to Peter Grinbergs again for this one)


Most Improved

Sometimes a change of scene is just what you need to step up your game, on the golf course and on the facial hair front. I'm pretty sure that this year's winner had a 'stache last year, but it probably sucked. Either that or it was overshadowed by his other French countrymen. Making waves in the midst of a tsunami is futile, I guess.

This year's Most Improved Award goes to Ben Raymond, now of Laval. That's some fancy-ass razor work right there.

It seems that Western is not the only team that produces "hot transfers."
(S/O to Peter Grinbergs again again for this one)

Rookie of the Year

Were there any rookies this year? T. Woody doesn't count, he looks like he could be my father.

I was originally going to slot this year's Rookie of the Year into the "Bowling For Soup" category, but then I realized that if I removed him, there would be no winner in this category, which makes me sad. Kids these days, they don't even know who I am! Seriously, I had to explain my existence to a bunch of rookies earlier this week, it was terrible. 

At first, I thought this rookie had had an unfortunate elbow mishap in the early stages of the race, resulting in a nosebleed. However, the third time I saw him, I decided that there was something more mysterious afoot, as nosebleeds aren't usually blue in addition to red.

Congrats to Alex Wilkie of the Gaels, for his perplexing tricolour rookie 'stache. Pro-tip: having a nosebleed is only sexy if you can convince people that you won the fight (presumed false if distance runner).

The tragedy of art is that it if it is truly great, it is often misunderstood.

Team Title

So excited was I about the prospect of knowing what Les Boys would bring to table in terms of personal style, that I conducted a midnight phone interview with a high fever (ain't nobody got time for bronchitis!). Les Boys were quite coy about revealing what was going on with their hair, though evidence later surfaced on the twitters. I admitted some concern that the boys from Mac might be outdo them.

I was right.

Maroon mohawks, sooo hot right now.

Just like at OUAs, the Mac boys' colourful mohawks came in and stole the show. I guess if you're looking historically at how one can take home the team banner in the old Mustache Report, you're gonna have to know that the mohawk is always an advantage. I can't quite explain it, but the stats just don't lie.

That, and I suspect that Les Boys copied the Lady Gryphs' dye jobs from '12. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, imitation gets you nowhere with me.

Shit's lookin' reaaaal familiar, Les Boys.

Individual Title

With heavyweight (lawl, has anyone else ever referred to him as such?) Wiebe out of the picture, the individual title was one for the taking. Favourites in the run-up included last year's Most Improved, Archer as well as the Forbes twins.

However, the winner of the individual title this year was a complete dark horse. I wasn't even aware that he could grow facial hair, or that he even existed (jk, I knew that he existed, I know everyone).

This year's overall winner is none other than Blair "Captain" Morgan. Moral of the story: Red mohawk + chin strap + greasy 'stache = Great Success.

Don't act like you've never scratched out a girl's face in a photo.

In keeping with Mac's strong showing in the hair department, honourable mentions go to Taylor Forbes (sorry Austen, I ain't about that Chad Kroeger shit), as well as the perennial bridesmaid Archer. Other noteworthy 'staches include Olivier Collin (+10 for Frenchness, minus 500 for superfluous backwards cap use) and Janikowski of the Lancers.

Basically same photo as last year, basically same result.

Close, but no cigar.

Another respectable showing.

Beau chapeau?

Well, folks, that's it, there isn't any more. If you're looking for me (with a pitchfork or knowledge of the progress of my Pulitzer Prize nom), you may find me under a wifi capable bridge or on the trackie forum in a state of nostalgic semi-retirement.