Saturday, April 30, 2011

Episode 130: When I'm in church, please no photos

I think this is a race report. Isn't that what normal athletes with blogger pretensions do? Haha, jk this is really just a creepy scrapbook, I'm not in denial.

Rowland Games 2011:



Just surveyin' the scene. Assessing critical factors. The usual. And no, that is not a snuggie, it's my leopard print blanket.


Premium lurking location obtained.


After 800m in I got too excited to take proper pictures. Steadycam, like many other things in my life, couldn't handle my giggling fits.



I'm sure there's some sort of reasonable purpose for those, but all I saw were literal speed goggles, because I don't have any concept of events under 800m.

Delicious but questionable, much like my presence. Useewutididthar?

Photorealism at its cartoony finest.


That is all. Apologies to all casualties who found themselves within firing range.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Episode 129:Exercises in live-action trolling

Car creeping: usually limited to bored 10 year olds on school buses/stuck in holiday traffic. I do not believe it should be so. Here are some of my car creeping experiences:

1) Met my soulmate. If you know a man from Dayton, OH who drives a green Subaru Forrester and has a penchant for mullets and aviators and using his feet to steer, please direct him here. I'm still quite upset that I didn't manage to communicate my phone number to him.
2) Offered a french man M&Ms in Montreal. Unsure if he was confused about the language or the offer, or both.

So how does one car creep?

1) Be in a car, preferably in slow-moving highway traffic or at a long red light. Safety is important or something; you don't want to cause a 50 car pile-up.
2) Locate the victim. Usually a car with interesting looking passengers in it. Avoid vehicles that look as if they have firearms in them. This includes cop cars. Cops do not like being car-creeped, and you do not like being arrested (I assume).
3)Do as described in the cartoon. The poker face is especially important. If you fail at that, you fail at everything.
4) Usual response:
i) stage one: denial. People will pretend this is not happening in hopes that you will stop. If you do, they win. Sometimes people genuinely do not notice. Then you super lose, and need to try harder.
ii) stage two: disgust/amusement. Depending on the personality of the victim, they may make rude gestures or fall into fits of hysteria. Either way, pretty funny.
iii) stage three: mimicry. Assuming traffic conditions play out in the favour of a long-lasting encounter, the persons in the other vehicle may mimic your silly behaviour. This means you have won.

So there you have it, I suppose.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Episode 129: Keeping up appearances




365 days ago I made a cameo appearance in this unsuspecting person's race footage. Ok, so actually it was like 365 minus a couple of hours. 12? No... that doesn't make sense... 15... who knows? Tits, I'm confused now. Minutes ago I was deriving a formula for pi, I swear. Simple math, much like the definition of appropriate attire, and a few other critical life skills continue to elude me. Let's pretend that never happened and say it was exactly 365 days ago.

BTW, pi is exactly 3 now too.

Was going to post this as one of my "clues" in October, but the video in question was lost in the murky sands of internet-spacetime, if that's even a real phrase.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Episode 128: Making sense...



...it's not something I like to do.

Seemed like it was appropriate thematically, for some reason.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Episode 127: Bitch please


It's a mofo conspiracy, yo... I got the market on no pants, purple wig.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Episode 125: H-piddy

I find strange things when I clean up my desktop.

Haven't made an H-Piddy reference in a while. Shit must be getting tough or something.