Episode 110: If I were a music video...

If art is the reflection of your soul through another's eyes, then dial up the mofo' Louvre, y'all.

Episode 109: How it is.

When I am asked to create graphs IRL, it's awkward.

Edit: Sub-optimal quality due to extreme inebriation.

Episode 108: Shallow, yet profound.

Pretty self-explanatory; I spend a lot of time on the internet. You know what's funny? In grade 6, on our yearbook page we got asked where we would be in 10 years. I said that I'd be alone on a Friday night doing homework, ordering pizza over the internet.

I am surprised by the perceptiveness of my 12 year old self.

On that note...
...I need new hobbies.

Episode 107: Token Running-Related Post II

This post is in a similar vein to my previous token running related post, in the following ways:

i) adverse weather conditions
ii) failure to return to starting location of run
iii) awkward social interactions required to deal with ii)

The irony of the fact that I spent the better part of the afternoon in question perusing socially awkward penguin images is not lost on me. It's nice to know that other people are as depressing as you are, even if they are anonymous forum users.

Anyways.

Turns out that in the course of a 23 minute warm-up, one travels a fair distance. Ok, actually, you don't, but when you decide to bail on a workout due to the fact that you are lamer than well... usual, it seems pretty far. I rationalize that I can easily walk 10 min ks, so at most it'll take 46 minutes to get back to where I started.

The trouble is, it's pretty chilly out, and I am not wearing much clothing. This is so unlike me! [sarcasm].

While contemplating death by exposure on a suburban sidewalk was fun for a couple seconds, I realized that it wasn't an option, since I have some pretty funny life goals. I quickly narrowed my options down to the following:

i) Taxi... so good that I carry cash while I'm running! Even if I did, I wouldn't have done it because I am a cheapskate. That, and last time I rode in a taxi solo, the driver kept telling me stories about her bf's "cute Jamaican ass".
ii) Hitchhike.... kind of sketchy... I mean... the world is full of weirdos! I know, because I am one of them.
iii) Locate route with maximum retail stores, take breaks to build up courage (and body heat) every 500m.

FML. None of these options are all that sweet.

Then I have an epiphany. I am not in Kansas anymore! Hail the city bus! I am saved!

Now here's the socially awkward part: I do not know where the nearest bus stop is, nor when a bus will come, or if it will even be the correct one. Oh yeah... and I don't have my bus pass with me.

Luckily (luck is on my side about 4% of the time) I manage to find a bus stop that has people waiting at it. I join them. It's kind of awkward because I'm dying, and dressed a little strangely.

Luckily (I'm probably SOL for the rest of my life now, having used my luck quotient for the next decade) the bus that arrives is one that will take me back to my winter coat and more importantly, my keys.

So now all I have to do is convince the bus driver that he should let me on his bus. I don't feel like I need to tell you why this was awkward and funny, but I will anyways to emphasize:

"Uh... so I don't have my bus pass... I was running... now I'm kind of crippled [points vaguely at leg] and can't walk... please let me on? I SWEAR I HAVE A BUS PASS!"
"Whatever. Don't let it happen again."
[Again? Yeah, next time I plan on being crippled in the middle of a winter run, I'll bring my bus pass...]

As you can see, I am not so eloquent IRL.

So I got on the bus.

Good thing, too. My back-up plan (epic meltdown) would have been even more awkward, and also pretty difficult. Seriously, it's hard to bawl when your eyeballs are frozen. Try it some time.

So that's kind of where the story ends. I didn't die, not even of shame.

Oh, and then I watched Polar Express (with a friend*). On a Friday night.

*I am attempting to make myself seem less pathetic. So futile.

Episode 106: Self-worth by bar graph

Discussion:

Degrees of self-hate may vary as much at +/-1 scale point depending on the following environmental circumstances:

1) Whether the activity is conducted outside, if applicable (actual bike/stationary bike; run/treadmill)
2) Quality of equipment (bike, swim, skating, XC skiing, elliptical).
3) Skill at activity.
4) Number and type of compatriots (alone/gym bunnies/grumpy retirees/fellow runners)

While running is obviously not a cross-training method, it was included as a control by which to compare different cross-training methods against. Also, "control" is a good sciency word, so it adds legitness to this graph, along with the lengthy title (everyone knows that the longer the title of something, the more scientific weight it carries).

Side note: the author has attempted all of these. That means I know what I'm talking about. Limpy power walking was an all-time low that I don't care to discuss, as was adult rec skate.

Episode 105: Misguided Youth

I guess this could be classified as an "external motivation factor" too.

Edit: 100% pure quote, in case anyone cares. I'll probs be releasing a "concerned children's advertiser" ad soon.

Episode 104: 2 for 1, from the vaults

Just cleaned up my desktop; no small task. Somehow these images slipped past my blogging filter:


Hacked by a hack. Surely anyone with any sense would have realized that Speedgoggles would not go absent from the year's premier XC event.


Yes ladies and gentlemen: Hipster Hitler is real! He was driving a black SUV, which doesn't seem like a very hipster thing to do, but then again, fixies aren't aloud on provincial highways. Photo is low quality because it was taken from a moving car on the highway, but as an eyewitness, I can assure you his 'stache was legit.

What does this have to do with anything? Not much I guess, except that it was taken driving home from a track meet, while lurking cars (my favourite highway activity).

Episode 103: Idylls of the 'gogs

Ceci n'est pas une bande dessinée.