Episode 114: Deja-vue

Remember this?

[Probably not, like 1.5 people viewed my blog in May. If you are not among those 1.5 people, I suggest you do, my material was quite fresh. Even if you were among those 1.5, you still should, it'll probably give you a chuckle the second (or possibly tenth?) time around.]

Anyways, I'm back at it (seeking employment, not creeping... I never stopped doing that). Why am I telling you about my woes?

i) possibly hoping someone will take pity on this internet cartoonist/real-life lowlife and compensate me with cashmoney (3%)
ii) to amuse and confuse by telling you about jobs that I would like (85%).
iii) I am bored and lonely. (12%)

Ok.

So here are some jobs I believe would be ideally suited to me, given my interests, qualification and a decent sense of poetic justice (in no order).

DQ cake decorator
I mean sure, I'd probably end up just drawing dinosaurs and justin biebers all day long, but in my job interview I could casually mention this here blog, and other things that make me over-qualified and highly unsuitable for the job.

Lifeguard
You get paid to watch people. Probably mostly dirty old men, but that's just the poetic justice part kicking in. I like to refer to them as "certified creepers". I know someone else who likes to call them "pool nazis". To each their own.

Running store
This is kind of like the lifeguarding one, wherein I have high hopes of creeping on the job which are highly unrealistic and will only result in ironic situations that will both depress and amuse. I guess the silver lining would be the cheap shoes and crap.

Slave to some academic overlord
Maybe they'll pretend to be impressed by my ability to do pseudo-data management and make sweet graphs! Then I can sit in front of a computer and "multi-task".

Freelance floski
Let's be real, I wouldn't be able to get a job being a real floski. One can only dream of such things. What'll probably happen is I'll dress up in my ceremonial garb, grab my cam-cam and try to interview my cat.

Aight. That's all I got. Gotta go attempt to write a resume that might not get shredded on arrival.